Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column campaigning for a pay raise for children’s ski school instructors.The reason is because they tell little kids stories like this:You know how you don’t see Grimmace in McDonald’s commercials anymore? It’s because a few years ago, they discovered a problem with Grimmace. There was this one McDonald’s in Texas where kids were disappearing and people didn’t know what happened to them. One day, a mom watched her son Jonny jump into the playground pit with all the colorful balls, and Jonny didn’t come back out. So they drained the balls and found Grimmace at the bottom of the pit, where he had been hiding and eating up little children.
So the police took Grimmace away, only while they were taking him to jail he escaped and ran away to Breckenridge – somewhere he thought the police would never find him. Now Grimmace lives in Breckenridge and he hides in the woods. They don’t want people to know because then nobody would come here on vacation. Instead they look for Grimace at night, and if you look up on the mountain when it’s dark, you’ll see all these lights – that’s them looking for Grimmace. So if you see the lights at night, you’ll know they haven’t found him yet and you should stay out of the woods or Grimmace will pull you down underneath the snow and eat you!We say stories like this are a fabulous way to improve a child’s ski vacation, and compensation is warranted in the form of free beers after work. If you can repeat silly stories told by ski instructors to impressionable little kids (Hint: Ride the lift with short people to hear a few), then leave us a voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 13600 or send them electronically to firstname.lastname@example.org.***
We’d like to welcome a Summit Up fan to Summit County today – Valerie arrives from Atlanta and she’s our “tourist of the week” because she writes that the most important page in the paper is “A11.” Flattery gets you everywhere at the Summit Up Corporate Suites.***Uh oh, we’ve got a Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! coming across the wires. Hold on folks, this one’s a doozy. It seems someone stole a few grooming supplies at the rec center while the stolen-from soaked nearby. Here’s the scoop:
“To the hopelessly hairy person at the Breck Rec Center who stole my razor and shaving cream while I was in the hot tub, I hope karma strikes you tomorrow morning and you slice the heck out of your face. If you need five bucks that bad, just ask. I’m sure you’re the same man who sprayed graffiti on the front of the rec center building. Happy Shaving!”Whew. Those alerts are sometimes tough, especially when people get violent.***It’s Saturday, folks, and if you’re headed to Janet’s Cabin this weekend, know that there’s likely no electricity there because there’s been no sun to boost the photovoltaic batteries for at least week. So, bring some candles, cross your fingers that the generator works and be grateful that no juice means tons of great powder.
We’re out going for a Big Mac with our snot-nosed nephew …
Support Local Journalism
Support Local Journalism
As a Summit Daily News reader, you make our work possible.
Your donation will be used exclusively to support quality, local journalism.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.
User Legend: Moderator Trusted User