Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column advocating more destruction of property and vandalism education in our schools.
We’re actually quite torn about this one: For those who didn’t know it, it’s homecoming week for all the young ‘uns over at Summit High. Last night, we’ll have you know, was the “van smashing.” Since they couldn’t put on the traditional bonfire (we doubt we have to remind you about all that fire danger business this summer – well, actually, there’s still danger) so, instead, they held a good ol’ fashioned automobile smashing, just like … uh, just like … OK, nobody used to do that, but maybe the kids at Mad Max High School and Methane Factory someday will.
Anyway, it was a blast, and all the kiddos seemed to really enjoy it. When you think about it, it has to beat standing around in the cold looking at flames jumping.
On the other hand, there’s the issue of vandalism. Is it us, or wasn’t the hot topic just a week ago the vandalism of a few cars in the high school parking lot? We realize consistency isn’t a priority of an American child-rearing system, the guiding principle of which is, “because I told you so,” but you have to wonder about the wisdom of sanctioning such events.
But it’s kind of hard to argue with that primal urge – the one we’re feeling right now – that reminds you just how fun it is to break stuff.
Martha sent us an e-mail, and we’re proud to pass the message along:
“Just wanted you to know the Summit Figure Skating Club is being represented at the Southwestern Regional competition in Kansas City Oct. 2-6, by our very talented skaters Roxanna Schmidt and twins Alanna and Jessica Gisondo. Roxanna is 9; Alanna and Jessica are 15. Southwesterns (covering a 10-state region) is one of several steps on the way to Junior Nationals! If you are in Kansas City (actually Overland Park) stop by Pepsi Ice Midwest and give them a hand! If you can’t be there in person, send them lots of good wishes over the airwaves! And send a few calming wishes to their coaches, Sandy Baker Larisa Gendernalik!”
In case you couldn’t tell from Martha’s exclamation marks, this is pretty exciting stuff!! Good luck from the Summit Up Staffers, ladies.
South American Existence Observation No. 213: Firefighters visiting Argentina from the U.S. must have a daily aneurism – every door to a public building, restaurant or shopping mall opens inward. Imagine, if you will, a thousand people running from a break-room microwaved foil dinner gone nuclear, only to slam into the doors and smother each other in the panic because the people up front couldn’t open the doors fast enough. Guess it pays to be slow south of the equator.
It’s the kind of Thursday that makes you want to curl up with a box of wine and listen to Air Supply through your headphones. No? Yeah, you’re right. Let us know, then, what we should be doing: firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just break glass and shriek for the voicemail at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
We’re out burning money, making art from food and turning our entire wardrobe into rags for washing destroyed cars …
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