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Summit Up

SUMMIT UP

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column astounded by the intricate web of economic diversity resulting from what we so lovingly call globalization.In the latest example of this 21st century phenomenon, we’d like to point out that, thanks to the miracles of modern technology, good transportation and old-fashioned ingenuity, it’s possible to ride a pair of skis through Colorado powder that were made in Tunisia. That’s Tunisia, a North African country wedged between Algeria and Libya. Now, last time we checked, we didn’t notice that Tunisia is exactly a hotbed of Alpine snow sports. We didn’t notice a Tunisian team marching in the opening ceremony of the Olympics the other day. (Although we might have been out in the kitchen, looking for some grappa, fixing ourselves an espresso and a prosciutto sandwich.) But still, right there on the tail of our latest pair of tele skis, is a little sticker that says “Made In Tunisia.” So what’s up with this? Call us naïve, but we’d always assumed skis were made on some Alp by cheese-eating, lederhosen-wearing, yodeling Tyroleans with felt hats and little green aprons. Turns out that’s not the case and serves us right for stereotyping.We want to make it clear that we have absolutely nothing against Tunisia. Sounds like a lovely country. Our extensive research suggests that there are no ski areas in Tunisia. As evidence, just to show you we’re not making this up, we cite from a snowboard/travel website: “The temperatures and/or terrain conditions make this country unsuitable for skiing and snowboarding. We also have not been able to find any information on indoor ski facilities or snow domes.”So where do they test these puppies? On the sand dunes? And just in case you’re planning a trip to visit the ski factory, you should know that Tunisia has a population of about 10 million people; that there 1.66 million land-line telephones and 1.899 million cell phones in use in Tunisia, which still leaves about 6.5 million people without any phone at all. The big national holiday, Independence Day, is coming up March 20, which might be a good time to plan that trip.***We must move swiftly on, because we see that our VP, Dick Cheney, was involved in an accident, when he accidentally shot another member of his own hunting party. We know that the VP is going to catch all sorts of grief on this from late-night TV talk show hosts, but we’re trying to see the up side of this, and came to the conclusion that Cheney could be our secret weapon in the war on terror. If we could only get our trigger-happy VP within rifle range of Osama Bin Laden, the world would be a much happier place. OK, maybe we shouldn’t go there – too political. Instead, we want to take you down the road of cheap laughs, which usually winds up in a dead-end alley of knock-knock jokes, where our Summit Up writers generally end up sprawled out under a cardboard blanket, bottle of Ripple in hand. But our readers want humor, so we try to deliver, even on those gray and chilly days when we’re not feeling all that funny.So we looked up “ski jokes” on the web, and lo and behold, a local Breckenridge ski instructor, Ted Amenta, holds top spot on the Google page with a link called “Ted’s Ski Jokes.” How’s that for a claim to fame? We’ve never met this gentleman, but we would love to invite him to do a guest Summit Up anytime. We’d be honored to have an internet celebrity do some our work for us.Just to give you a little sampling of what you can expect, we’ve lifted a few jokes from Ted’s site and reprinted them here:Q A car has five snowboarders in the backseat. What do you call the driver?A Sheriff.Q How many ski instructors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A Nine. One to screw in the bulb and eight to say, “Nice turns!”***We out, hoping that guy Cheney shot makes a full recovery.


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