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Summit Up


Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that recently developed a conspiracy theory about a particular foreign fruit.Forget the possibilities of anthrax-laced envelopes or Osama bin Laden’s brand of pork chops, one of our co-workers brought a durian from Thailand into the office the other day and asked a well-traveled photographer to crack the tough shell of the fruit, which, unopened, looks like a porcupine-cantaloupe.When the large-seeded, mango-wontons lining the inner husk of the fruit became exposed, the rioting began. Immediately a methane-esque stench began to silently take control of the building. The response, however, was a blaring sound system of utter disgust for the uniquely rotten smell:Holy butt rot, Batman!A chorus of “What the Bleep?!?”s, “Please remove that … food? … from the building”s and “Can I get a diaper change in the editorial department?”s were unleashed from every corner. And, for a few rare moments, it seemed like companywide solidarity had finally been realized as everyone agreed, except for the photographer and possibly the purchaser of the item, that if there was one thing wrong with the world right then, that thing would have to be the cultivation, export and especially the cracking-open of durians.Also, beware of “durian breath,” which, as the person who brought the terrorific item into our lives put it: “If you burp, it smells like farts.”So we’re offering prizes to the first three people who send in their favorite “Stinky Situations Stories” to***High Country Mary wrote in with an Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!! “On Thursday, ‘Rick’ showed up at our weekly gathering at the Steaming Bean Coffee Shop in Silverthorne. He had read the article that was in the SDN on Jan. 17 and brought in a HUGE bag of yarn! He said he thought we could use it for the hats we knit for the children undergoing chemotherapy at Children’s Hospital and the newborns of Summit County. Rick, ‘The Purly Girls’ knitting group want to send you a ‘Big High Country Thank You’ for being so thoughtful!”We’d like to congratulate Rick for taking the initiative to spread his seed of … achoo … friendship. For real though, Rick = Top-notch fella.***We’re out, desperately attempting to move our durian-heavy bowels …

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