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Summit Up


Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that threw the world’s greatest party of all time that nobody came to.That’s right, we had kegs, a finger-food bar and we pinned a tail on an alien from the planet Foolander.We spent kazillions of doll hairs on the shindig, and no one came except for us, the alien and some guy named Fred B. Investigator who tried to stick a needle in us after we refused to believe his claim that: “There is no planet Foolander.”Sure, we probably should have sent out invitations or called our friends, but we thought the marketing monies we invested into advertising the event were best spent on the satellite we shot into orbit specifically to broadcast our party info. So apparently the only people who received our new station were non-earthling life forms with a hankering for man brains.Also, the pinata filled with fine glass bottles of booze didn’t cooperate very well with the baseball bat … ah, the literality of the statement: “My liver feels like shards of vodka.”***Oh gross. We’ve got a Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! This one comes from new Summit County residents Desiree and Darrell. On their way back from Fairplay, the D team came upon a relatively new red suburban with Oklahoma tags covered in shoe-polish writing. According to Darrell, the side window’s message was a little bit more bearable, reading: “Show us your hooters.” However, the writing on the rear window was not printable. The message referred to the employability of male genitalia, and displayed a phone number with an Oklahoma County area code. “We were wondering what was proper about that,” said Desiree.The vehicle was parked in front of Colorado Rocky Mountain Resorts, LLC in Frisco. Desiree and Darrell went into the establishment to inform the folks of the obscene vehicular presence, but were told: “Oh, it’s okay. They’re (the vehicle’s owners/operators) renting with us.”The D squad is disgusted with Colorado Rocky Mountain Resorts, LLC, and would like to let the sex-brained Oklahoman(s) know that prostitution is illegal in both Oklahoma and Summit County.”If my 12-year-old daughter had seen that message and I had to explain its meaning to her, there would be some sore Oklahomans,” said Desiree.D & D would also like to know why mud flaps are not required by law in the High Country, as their windshield was recently shattered by a mud-flapless vehicle.***We’re out, shoe-polishing messages on our friends’ vehicles, including “Toenails for hire” and “Show us your epidermis” … Hi Larry Us.

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