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Summit Up


Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that just can’t wait to get its hands on the the new IZON Hi-Tech Car Massager, so that we are going to be relaxed as newborn babies each day when we arrive at the office, and more importantly when we get home each evening. We are already having visions of being so completely relaxed that we never change out of our sweats, or Pjs and slippers, just staying clad in that informal but oh-so-comfortable attire for days, weeks and even months on end. Our new IZON retails for just $44.95, a small price to pay for instant behind-the-wheel bliss, and we have been eagerly looking forward to installing this puppy and taking it for a test drive. Who knows, we may never stop driving, at least not until we run out of gas. Then we’ll have to call AAA or some poor friend and say, “Yo, we went for a drive, and that darn neck massager worked so well that we forgot to stop. Pretty soon, we were out near Limon, then Kansas City, and now we’ve hit the wall in Kalamazoo.You too can be the proud new owner of a new IZON. Just be aware that this unit incorporates nanotechnology to keep the surface clean and dry. Oh goody, we have long been waiting to hear how the brave new world of nanotechnology (essentially tiny little super-smart particles of lab-brewed something) would be applied to our everyday comfort and well-being, and now we know.***We get other e-mails here at Summit Up HQ; for example, the anti-seal-hunting folks just wanted to let everyone know that there are still people out there who think it’s a good idea to tromp around out on the Arctic ice pack and club baby seals to death, just so a few people can promenade around in a fancy seal-fur coat. We here at Summit Up HQ are definitely not down with baby seal clubbing. In fact, put us down as pro-seal, baby seal lovers and if anyone wants to send a big, fat donation on behalf of the baby seals, we will make sure it gets to the right place. So what’s up with that, anyway? In this age of synthetics, when you can so easily keep yourself warm and toasty with fleece made out of recycled pop bottles, why would anyone get the idea that it’s OK to go out and basically beat helpless animals to death. We don’t consider ourselves radical animal rights activists, but we can certainly see how people would go that direction. So listen up, baby seal clubbers. Stop now, or face the wrath of Kaanqutsu, the angry god of the seal beings, who may, someday while you are sleeping, visit your home and beat you with a whale bone until your ears ring and your toenails curl.***And we got another e-mail (yes, we are cleaning out our Summit Up file here in a desperate attempt to elicit chuckles) from a reader who claims to have learned a lot from watching Dr. Phil. We know not who this Dr. Phil is, since we don’t really watch TV (except for the Weather Channel), but it sounds like he’s a wise man with some good advice. Here’s the message:”By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn’t finished.

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