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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column finally dealing with all of its vehicular code failures.We were driving down the darker side of Vail Pass a few weeks back when our car hood inexplicably unlatched, flew up and slammed into our windshield. We calmly pulled over on the side of the highway, punched out the new dents, re-latched the hood and tied it down.The windshield got one new crack and our hood hoodwinked our ability to see some of the traffic behind us as the rearview mirror was knocked off.So, we’re temporarily using strong adhesives with the mirror and hoping our insurance company will kick us couple dollars for a new shield.***This seems an appropriate place for a Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! This one comes from Craig at the high school:”Team Summit recently moved their four vans from the middle school to the high school to accommodate remodeling/construction at the middle school. Last Saturday night, our vans were vandalized. Three of the four had rear windows broken out, and the fourth had a side window broken out. Of course, the repair cost for each van is close to our insurance deductible. Let me add that our vans weren’t the only vehicles vandalized.”Well, assuming the guilty party is reading this: How many cars did you (however many of you there were) damage? Okay, let’s try some collective manifestation: For sticking your implements of destruction where they don’t belong, we will now attempt to summon the power of Summit Up readers to manifest that many cavities in your gum-borne food processors. Rotten action = rotting teeth.***Hmmm, this might be the R-rated Summit Up section, so kids, stop reading right now. It seems the sex-toy industry is up in arms about a University of Michigan study that proposes a link between sexually transmitted diseases and the use of sex toys. Once again, we are going to claim blissful ignorance, and tell our readers that we really don’t have any darned idea of what a sex toy is. Sounds kinky, but we just can’t really vouch for the veracity of this information. Basically, the sex-toy people say the study is statistically flawed and unfairly singles out people who use sex toys as a group that engages in high risk sexual behaviors, including the use of recreational drugs.Ouch! Frankly, we think this study is yet another misguided attack by social conservatives whose ultimate goal it is to eliminate anything and everything that is fun and pleasurable. We are going to totally align ourselves with the sex-toy industry on this one, even though we just know we’re gonna take some heat for our, ahem, position. ***We out, taking a bite out of the common vandal’s ability to chew …

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