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Summit Up


Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column sporting spandex muscle suits with the genitalia regions modified to appear ambiguous for the sake of anyone who wouldn’t appreciate the non-modified version.Six Flags Elitch Gardens opened for its 2006 season on Earth Day with DC Comics superheroes. Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, The Flash and Robin arrived at the theme park through the air to put on a show as part of the promotions for roller coasters and sugar highs.We would have attended if they were giving lessons on how to develop superhuman abilities like flying and running faster than light travels. We also didn’t expect Wonder Woman would get a chance to use that whip on naughty supervillains considering the family nature of the event.Also, none of the lesser-known DC Comics supervillains were invited to the show, and Lex Luthor and The Joker have been incarcerated since Christmas when they were reportedly attempting to replace all of the peppermint with kryptonite in 2005’s candy canes.Daily operation at Elitch Gardens doesn’t begin until May 16.***Speaking of super powers, we discovered magic in our feet this past weekend, and no, we do not possess a “Magic Toenail” like Brak from the Cartoon Network (see below for lyrics from Brak’s song about the toenail).Actually, the magic was in the fact of our muscle memory. We played hacky sack for the first time in probably 10 years at The Riverwalk in Breckenridge after Ozomatli finished waving their tango-happy, funk-pop, merengue-hop magic wands at the town.

We joined the circle of hack, which contained two to five hacks at the act of keeping the sack off the ground at any moment during the hour and a half we were part of the fact.For those of you familiar with the original NES (Nintendo) and its “California Games” (which is where we learned our first tricks), we were able to pull off “The Jester,” some behind-the-back maneuvers, and we remembered some of the stylie passes (to start a fresh hack from a grounded sack) we developed as young hipsters.Ah, hacky sack, we have to admit to loving it for its mellow team vibes, its refinement of our coordination, and for hacky sack masters who have ninja skills and keep everyone inspired.***Enough hack, back to Brak, who is a toothful, alien, cartoon character with an upbeat persona and a sub-par singing voice from “Space Ghost Coast to Coast.”Brak’s tune, “Magic Toenail,” is a love song between an alien creature and its favorite keratinous appendage:I have a magic toenailI keep it on my footIts always there to rescue me

When something goes kaputIt has the cutest cuticleFree of all diseaseAs toenails go,It’s really quite extra-ordinaryThank you, thank youThank you magic toenailI love my magic toenail

It’s magical and goodsometimes I’ll take my magic toenail to lunchAnd give it a sandwichBecause it likes to eat the sandwichesThank you, thank youThank you magic toenail***Call in with your love songs about magical body parts or your opinions of what the best superhuman ability is and why it’s the best to Summit Up at (970) 668-3998, ext. 13620, or e-mail us at’re out, singing, “We love our magic finger-pad callouses, they make symbols appear on computer screens. When the symbols don’t show up in the correct order, our readers inevitably scream: ‘Hey you, hey you, fix your sloppy content!'”

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