Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s still drying its hair from an afternoon shower in the rain.Some wise guy called in to Summit Up HQ with a valid complaint regarding the way-too-popular subject of misdirected defecation. After insulting us and claiming to be our mothers’ pimp, he went on to say that we should concentrate on encouraging the horsepackers around the county to pick up after their large beasts on local trails.”Maybe they need horse diapers,” he says. He also suggested that the last person in a group on a trail should bring a trash bag.***We don’t like having to use this much ink and paper to report another Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! This one came in from Kelly from Alma yesterday. It was Kelly’s birthday last Friday, so she went out to Burke and Riley’s to make merriment. She left her purse on the back deck for a quick minute alongside a bag of birthday presents. Someone stole everything, including $100 cash, a digital camera, a bottle of wine, chocolates and other keepsakes. Kelly got her purse back without the cash or camera.”There I was, thinking Summit was all nice and safe. I guess I found out again that you can’t trust anyone,” she said.We’re going to lay off the word “karma” today for its religious connotations (we’re not all practitioners of Hinduism and Buddhism here at Summit Up HQ), but we’d like to imply its concept of ethical consequence toward the meanyhead(s) who nabbed the birthday booty. Bob Marley says “Simmer Down” to bullies, meanies and crimewads, and we like to say “Scummit Down!”***Bill G. writes: “H’lo thar Summit Up! OK, so, lover of the shamelessly outlandish and defender of the ludicrous as I strive to be, I admit I regret somewhat that I submit to you this typical, almost mundane – perhaps downright tiresome – “weird & unusual” account. In my own defense I will say that my own lack of excitement regarding it may serve to support the honesty of its reportage, whereas the host of other, much taller, tales I’d much rather share I have generously withheld due to their blatantly dubious nature. Plainly and bluntly and rudely put, this really happened, and I feel some obligation to bore the general public with it. On Friday, May 12th, around 12:30 p.m., I was loafing in the 5-feet deep-end (that is, not deep enough for treading water or doing anything much else but “loafing,” which is a non-fancy term for drifting around on your back, occasionally inhaling water by accident or else taking in a big gulp deliberately and spouting a big fountain spray in general imitation of a lazy, if not slightly comatose, marine animal of the seal class) of the Soda Springs pool at Keystone Resort. A few airliners were leaving white trails in the sky. That’s when “then I saw it” coming from the west in the direction of the landfill and heading east toward A-Basin, a formation of five, six, seven, eight total flying shapes unlike anything I’ve ever honestly seen before. Really, they had no discernible shape at all – I was only able to see that they did not have any apparent wings or tail or front ends, and they shone in the sunlight – the admittedly lame thought I had at the time was they looked like stars in daytime. I do not concede they could have been weather balloons or some kind of optical reflection. They flew in definite formation, from which at points one or two of them would separate and then rejoin in the original pattern. It was very difficult to gauge any estimate as to how high an altitude they were flying at. “However, there was an airliner that flew fairly near while they were directly above me, and it seemed like they passed under the trail of the jet. Also, from the reference of the jet I was able to see just how irregularly these shapes were moving. I simply have never seen anything man-made move in the air like that before. I won’t say it was this dramatic performance of zigzags and flashing lights, etc. In fact, although they did variously accelerate and decelerate at different points, they never exceeded any speeds I could call extraordinary. I did see them individually come to a halt, reverse and one object make this tight circle like a curlicue. I personally know of no helicopter, certainly no plane, that could match (the pattern). Far less objectively, there was just something so unfamiliar about their trajectory – they all moved with this kind of wobbling effect, like they were suspended from strings. I’d say I watched them for about five solid minutes until they disappeared east over the A-Basin/Montezuma horizon. Now they didn’t shoot me with lasers, didn’t implant anything in my head, nor did they abduct me and play ping-pong with my private parts. My personal opinion, if it is warranted, is that our military must certainly be up to some very impressive technological shenanigans, which I can now easily see how an account of which might be exaggerated by witnesses, especially at night. For my first UFO experience I was on the whole less than awed, and yet sufficiently cognizant that, yes, here was something in the sky that I had no idea what I was looking at. So I’m wondering if anybody else here might’ve perhaps seen something in the ole sky that day, around that time, fitting what I confess to be a pretty lousy description of “strange objects.” Anyone, anyone? Let me know.”Thanks, Bill G. And P.S. To the lady that was pulling weeds in her backyard that day, I was going to ask you to look up and tell me if I was crazy, but there was just something too perfect in your missing it, being absorbed in your garden, while only 15 feet away there I was in the pool goggle-eyed and muttering to myself, ‘What the he-ill IS that???,’ and laughing as soon as I said it. it was so d@mnably cliched.”We haven’t seen any UFOs, but we’ve always wondered. So, send us your true Unidentified Flying Object experiences to firstname.lastname@example.org, or call us at (970) 668-4625.We’re out, holding our tongues when we know the mean things we have to say about other people won’t benefit them.
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