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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column warning you to stay away from parrot-wielders. They’re weird.After much astute philosophical deliberation with the Summit Up Commission on What Makes People Weirder (which, we must admit, had pretty poor attendance Friday morning, what with only the chairman and ourselves attending), and following the lead of other important organizations issuing stern resolutions Friday (the U.N. pretty much gave W. the OK to get crackin’ on Iraqin’), we came to the following conclusion:You can tell a lot about a person by their choice of pet, and if that pet happens to be a bird, you better watch out. The chairman, for instance, recently made acquaintance with a woman driving across the country with a parrot for a passenger. At first, he told us, it was intriguing. She was a spy, maybe. She was an exotic dancer.”But, no it’s just weird,” he told us.The same warning applies to owners of lizards, ferrets, monkeys, llamas and anything you’d normally call an exterminator for if you found it in your closet.Let’s see how Saddam Hussein responds to that kind of resolution. Huh? How ’bout it?***Get your gumshoes on, detectives! There’s a Reward! available – $500 for information leading to the recovery of Mama Cita, stolen from the deck of Fritz Alpine Bistro (formerly Viola) in River Run at Keystone. Mama Cita disappeared between 8 p.m. on Tuesday Nov. 5 and 8 a.m. on Wednesday Nov. 6.Mama Cita is a one-of-a-kind, handcarved wooden sculpture of a Navajo woman. The artist was one of the Navajo codetalkers during World War II. Mama Cita stands approximately 5-feet-10-inches tall and weighs 300-plus pounds. She is carved out of solid cedar. She can be recognized by her prominent nose, squash-blossom necklace and notched belt buckle.Please call Tom or Shari at (970) 468-1420 or the Summit County Sheriff’s Office.***It shouldn’t surprise any of you to learn that, while the rest of you are out socializing with significant others, enjoying sunshine and outdoor activity or, at least, doing something that earns you money, we spend a lot of time making goo-goo eyes at a cathode ray tube. Say shame on us if you must, but if we didn’t do that, we would never have found these Web sites for you. You’ll love them we promise:- Want to contribute money so that a group of cyber-dissidents can go drop trou at W.? If so, you’ll want to check outwww.moonthewhitehouse.com.- Know that part of “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” where the heroes realize they can get themselves out of sticky situations if they just remember to go back in time and fix it, once they get to the future? Now you can, too: Just start your own fund at http://www.timetravelfund.com and someone will come back for you.- If you’re like us, your baths just aren’t the same without a rubber ducky. And what a bath it would be with a celebrity. You might find the perfect solution for both at http://www.celebriducks.com.- This is just weird. Ever wonder about those last meal requests on death row? Check out http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/stat/finalmeals.htm to see exactly what they ordered.- This one’s even weirder. We make no guarantees about the safety of your sanity at http://www.potnoodle.co.uk.- We’re always intrigued by the scripture quoted on the A&W marquee in Frisco. Somebody with a Web site is just as intrigued:www.jesusoftheweek.com.- And finally, you thought Summit Up Land had the patent on duct tape clothing? Oh, gloves and ski jackets are just the start atwww.ducttapefashion.com.***It’s Saturday, so surf away. Let us know what you’re thinking atsummitup@summitdaily.com, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just play a tape of alpha waves on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.We’re out watching grapes glow in the microwave …


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