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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only column positively drowning, mrph-mrph-mrph, in precious FEET of white, fluffy, crystalline, powder snow!Are we blessed, or what?! Just what did we do to deserve this?!The first thing we did was put on our cross-country skis and head down to the nearest intersection to watch drivers as they slipped and slid around on the ice. We wonder how much of this snowfall is due to the praise we give Ullr, the effects of that Meteorological Bad-Boy El Nio, Denver Water cloud-seeding or just dumb luck. Actually, we don’t wonder. We don’t care! Just keep bringing it on!***We have here some correspondence from our dear friend Dr. David Amadei, a Cape Town, South Africa, native. He wants to give us money! Us!His letter reads – and we have kept the poor grammar for your reading pleasure – “executive accountant South Africa Dept. of Mining and Natural Resources … apologize for the e-mail … urgent … transaction … confidentiality … our enviable credentials and particulars were given to him by the South Africa Export Promotion Council.” (Enviable credentials? Have they not seen our credit card balance? And our particulars? Like that we sleep with our favorite teddy bear?)Continued: “Decided to seek a confidential co-operation with you … top secret … we have overdue payment bills totalling $30 million … need a reliable foreign non-company account to receive the funds … not allowed to operate offshore accounts … your take 25 percent …”This amount represents the balance of the total contract value executed on behalf of my department by a foreign contracting firm which we the officials over-invoiced deliberately.”They overbilled people? And they want us to take their money?”I want to assure you that myself and my partners are in a position to make the payment of this claim possible provided you can give us a very strong assurance and guarantee that our share will be secured and please remember to treat this matter as very confidential matter, because we will not comprehend with any form of exposure as we are still in active government service (that explains the over-billing!) and remember once again that time is of the essence in this business.”Hardy-har-har-har! How dumb do these people think we are?! We won’t settle for anything less than a 50 percent take! Jees!***We have a really nasty Scum Alert! Scum Alert! we need to give to the person who couldn’t hold it in any longer and defecated in the Summit Stage bus shelter near the tennis courts on La Bonte Street in Dillon.It’s bad enough people like you toss your trash out your car windows, but to unload one in a public place?! We think your penance should involve picking up all the dog doots – sans gloves – when the snow melts next spring.That kind of behavior is just plain … nasty.***We have another Scum Alert! Scum Alert! sent to us by a Frisco woman who thinks the Frisco Town Council might be behaving like scum. She writes:”The Frisco Town Council wants to rezone and develop the park and recreation area behind Safeway so that it can get enough tax money to develop and destroy the empty space and recreation area on the peninsula – by building a golf course and whatnot. That seems to be pretty scummy to me.”We leave it to you, dear reader, to develop your own conclusions.***We have haikus for you to encourage you to write us one of your own!L)Chewy, moist cat foodShould I eat another can?Naw, I guess I’m full.4)Boo-hoo did she cryWhen I told her her catWas good for dinner)In grade four we likedThe New Kids on the Block butNow that’s really sad.)How I love that spamA food reaching perfectionToo bad I’m vegan%)Darn that unicornFor not getting on the arkNow he’s just a myth.***We out, jumping and rolling and frolicking and making snow angels in this deep, luscious pow-pow!


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