Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column addicted to games of skill and, boy, have we found another one to suck up all our money and time.
We’ve written before about our fascination with bowling, golf, the ring game up at the Gold Pan, disc golf, marbles, billiards, competitive pogo-sticking and, most recently, indoor golf. But we’re not sure we’re going to have much time for those anymore, because now we’re addicted to shuffleboard. Not your blue-haired, Miami-retirement-village variety shuffleboard, though – we’re talking the barroom-looks-a-lot-like-curling species of the game.
For those that don’t know (and we didn’t until the other night), the pool hall above the bowling alley in Dillon has this 30-foot-long shuffleboard table. You use metal, miniature versions of curling stones and chuck ’em back and forth trying to get yours as deep as possible (without falling off the back edge) while keeping the other guy from doing the same. There’s no broom action as there is in curling, which is a downer, but you do get to sprinkle sand all over the deck. Messy and fun!
So, if we seem distracted, it’s because our mind is off in wonderworld calculating friction coefficients, angular momentums and dreaming about yet another career in a mindless game.
Why is it that just about everything we’d love to spend the rest of our lives doing involves the insertion of a quarter?
We’re firm believers that there are some things in life you just don’t need to mess with. Simple or complex, we’re convinced that some things just can’t be improved. We don’t think there’s any call for genetically engineered bananas, collagen lip injections or a better mousetrap, even if it leans our house for us. Some things, we figure, are only ruined the more you jerk around with them.
And we feel this way about underwear. If we ever do wear it (oh, like you weren’t wondering anyway), we don’t want anything fancy, it should have easy “access” and, of course, should be comfortable.
That’s why we were surprised to hear about kangaroo briefs. For the ladies out there, let us explain: Jockey shorts have a pocket in front that works, let’s just say, like the sliding glass doors on your deck – one panel goes one way, the other panel goes the other way. This innovation is probably as old as Moses (and, in fact, he probably got the idea for it watching the Red Sea part).
Now, along comes somebody who thinks they can do better, and they make the flaps horizontal, so instead of sliding doors, you get a kangaroo pouch. (If you’re having trouble imagining this, just check out http://www.wittmanntextiles.com
/munkanbrief.html – please just don’t ask us what we’re doing surfing around the Web looking at underwear).
Not that you asked, but we just thought we should register our opposition with this particular fashion innovation. Thank you for listening.
Our favorite bus driver and reader must have been on vacation: “Bummer,” he writes. “I was not in town for the raising of the Madonna Tent in Breck. I hate to miss a chance to wear my undies on the outside of my clothes. I still think Breck could use a festival here ‘tween the seasons! As regards the dry Frisco Marina, I propose they paint some lines and convert it into (you’ll pardon the expression) “overflow’ parking during various Frisco festivals – and in case of some sort of Summit up-rising that would clog Main Street!”
We like both the ideas. In fact, we could have a kangaroo underwear party at the Riverwalk to raise money to paint the lines in the new Dillon Reservoir Memorial Parking Lot.
Why, if it isn’t our old friend Sunday. We’re out, you betcha, playing shuffleboard …
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