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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that wishes we were playing a game of catch right now outside with Opie in the quiet town of Mayberry.

Oh, the days seemed fresher back then, when “crack” meant you would break your mother’s back if you stepped on one and the biggest problem on the block was Otis and his clandestine moonshine operation. Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a town where people were named Gomer and Goober, and Floyd the barber knew every follicle of hair on your noodle and every little thing about you? Yes sir, it would be nice to say “howdy” to Barn in his old “salt and pepper” on his way to pick up Thelma Lou for a dance. And Miss Crump – wouldn’t you like having her at the front of your classroom every morning? We would be buying apples by the case to set on her desk every morning, just in hopes she would recognize us with a small pat on our melons. Ernest T. Bass, where are you this fine Monday morning? Out slinging rocks? Lookin’ fir ya a girl? We wonder.

Moving right along here, though reluctantly – we will always have one foot in Mayberry just for a reality check. Something you would never see in Mayberry but often see right here in ZLand is people driving in goggles. How weird is that to look over at the fellow next to you at a stoplight and see he has already donned his goggles? We aren’t sure if he is headed for or coming from the slopes, but we’re pretty sure it’s one or the other – because it would just be too far out of our realm to think someone would stretch on goggles to go to the dentist or the supermarket. We ain’t exactly the yardstick for normal, so maybe we should just drop the subject altogether. On the other hand, how Bondish would it be to drive around in a brain bucket and goggles and make the world believe it’s nuts for driving without a helmet on? The day will come when everyone drives in helmets, and police will be pullin’ you over if you forget your armor.



***

We have a bit of a pet to peeve this early Monday morning and we might be standing in a group alone – and there is a fair chance we might be offending some of you out there – but here goes: Who among us thinks it’s cute when you call your buddy and the answering machine picks up, and it is his 2-year-old and 4-year-old babbling on and on and on. And this is the same recording you have had to endure for six months, when, really, you just wanted to leave a quick message saying, “The game starts at 6.”



Sticks in the mud? We think not.

We are going to go enjoy the snow, which we attribute to the many angels living among us who do good deeds and thus make Ullr happy enough to smile down on our little kingdom. Random acts of kindness – we dig that kind of stuff. It makes us feel like, well, Aunt Bea really.


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