Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that would like to welcome winter back where it belongs – right here in the spectacular mountains of Summit County.That’s right, you heard it here first. Ullr is back in the house, and the Big Guy is promising a wet-n-wild late-winter-spring season, so long as everyone shows some respect. We’re not sure exactly where our friend has been these past few weeks; we can only say that he came to us in a dream, muttering something about Hawaiian Tropic, the Swedish Bikini Team, mojitos and disrespectful dirtbags who leave litter in ski area parking lots and cigarette butts in the lift lines. Said he was getting so fed up with that scene and that he was thinking about moving south, permanently. So let’s honor the Great One by cleaning up our act – everybody down with that? If you’ve got a problem with our ‘tude, shoot an email to email@example.com. Keep it clean and we’ll probably print it.And at least we’re not dreaming about beavers and Abe Lincoln, like the guy in one of those ads for various sleeping pills that seem to be all over the boob tube these days. That’s right, we’re nimbly stepping into our role as media critics to take on the mighty pharmaceutical companies, wondering why the heck someone would play chess or checkers in a dream with a big-toothed rodent and a dead ex-president? Not when you can dream about the Swedish Bikini Team and sun-drenched tropical beaches … oh, we already used that today, sorry!Then there’s the other ad we’ve been noticing, the one with the creepy, glowing green butterfly or moth that flutters into an open window near a bed where a woman is restlessly tossing and turning and tossing to and fro (man, we get sea sick just THINKING about watching that). When the woman sees the butterfly, a mysterious smile flickers briefly about her mouth before she turns over and nods off, presumably headed to La-La Land or wherever one goes when one ingests serious sleep-inducing chemicals.We don’t know about you, but a giant glowing moth probably wouldn’t put us to sleep. We’d be reaching for the latest issue of Field & Stream on our bedside table, rolling it up and trying to swat that sucker to oblivion. We wouldn’t want to use our copy of Utne Reader because, well, that’s a progressive mag, and we don’t think they would approve.It’s not that we don’t like insects per se, but this thing is freaky! One of our staffers says he used to draw moths like this when he was a teenager, reading Carlos Castaneda and ingesting serious doses of psychoactive substances.We’re also here to tell you that, if you can’t sleep, you might consider a change in diet, lifestyle exercise habits, jobs – whatever it is that might be causing the stress that’s keeping you from sleeping in the first place. We are not so much against recreational chemistry, but we do have a problem with medical chemistry on this level, and even did some research around the web, learning that police departments and insurance companies are tracking an increase in the number of wrecks related to use of these latest sleeping pills. Check it out here: http://www.immunesupport.com/library/showarticle.cfm/ID/7537.***And what would a Tuesday be without a Scum Alert!!? One of our correspondents sent us this missive, including thoughts no doubt echoed by Millions of Summit Up Readers. Here it is, word for word:”Well, well, well. I have often read letters in this paper pointing to the rudeness or disrespectfulness of locals. Well, I was walking my dogs this evening up in Wildernest when an SUV (came) speeding up my street. In fear of my dogs, I tried to wave to the driver to slow down, but to no avail. I then stepped a tad over to the left to get his attention. It worked. He hit me in the arm with his mirror and finally stopped. When he stopped, he opened the door, (and) asked me what the !@#$ I was doing (as his family gazed on in total shock) and proceeded to tell me to !@#$-off and sped into the night. I called the State Police and was informed that the license number belonged to a man in Denver. Huh? I am just surprised that a person coming up from the Front Range on vacation wouldn’t be a tad more relaxed. Please slow down when you come to where we live. Our dogs, children and wild animals would sure be able to play a little easier if you did. And if the person in question is reading this I hope the trees don’t move for you and your children know how to treat people and animals a little better than you!”We just want to add, in the words of the immortal Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along?”***We out, making mojitos.
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