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Summit Up

SUMMIT UP

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column wondering if you’re contributing to the advancement of the human race.Or, are you poisoning the gene pool, like the following winners of the Evolutionary Reject Contest, sent in by regular contributor Dan Streeter. (Where would the Corporate Suites be without you, Dan?)• Third Place: The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, D.C. appeared to be the robber’s first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:1. His target was H & J Leather & Firearms – A gun shop specializing in handguns.2. The shop was full of customers – firearms customers.3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm Glock 17, the clerk with a 50-caliber Desert Eagle, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics. • Runner Up: Tacoma, Wash. – Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman’s cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham’s leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. (Bingham’s foot was never located.)***One can only imagine who and what kind of wacky situation will take the cake on this intriguing contest. We here at the Corporate Suites hate to leave our loyal and lovable readers out there in the High Country out in the cold so to speak, but you’ll have to come back tomorrow to find out the weirdo winner.*** We out, swooshing down the slopes and doing what we can to avoid a huge pileup on the packed powder.


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