Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s opting for terse curses over verses.
As such, we feel like we would be stealing thunder from a reader whom we’ll call Jaywalker by adding a lengthy setup to his refreshingly laconic e-mails.
Barrel one is an Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!! we’ll pass on:
“Thanks, Blue Moose. Doing a good thing.”
We would hazard a guess that this has something to do with said Breckenridge establishment’s free holiday dinner, but we really have no idea. Barrel two: a Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!!
“You stole my dog on Oct. 8. S I don’t know what else to say.
“A to the M.”
That would be it, except we excised some pretty important parts that would be pretty funny to print, except the profanity contained therein would earn us a slap on the wrist from our Summit Up supervisors. But we would be remiss in carrying on Jaywalker’s paring of “Sincerely yours,” with an exhortation to perform one of several acts married couples may enjoy in the privacy of their own automobiles and a vector pointing toward the general direction of “off.” Who steals a dog? (And less importantly, how?) We shouldn’t have to point out the penalty for riling a person to such language in Summit Up land is a lifetime mining copper and zinc for the Great Karmic Swear Cup in the sky S
* * *
Moving on, then, we have another Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!!
“Earlier this week while running errands on wet roads, I went to use my wiper fluid, and it didn’t work. This would be annoying to anyone, but I was really bothered by this because that my car in only 6 months old. I called the local dealer to see if I could run in and have someone look at it really quick. They first asked me if I bought the Jeep there, when I told them I had not, but explained that the car was under warranty. They told me to drop off the car over the Thanksgiving holiday, and they would try to get around to looking at it as soon as possible. I could maybe have the car back it in a couple of days. Being a busy mom without a car would be really hard. In desperation, I ran by Mike’s Mountain Motors, without calling and making an appointment, and asked for help. Despite looking very busy, a really nice mechanic dropped everything he was doing and fixed the problem in 10 minutes. This man saved me days of bumming rides to work and rearranging car pool schedules. I swear, that while he was under the hood of my car, the light hit him just right and I saw a halo!”
Right on – a mechanic angelized.
(And we should note that we invoked the law of eminent domain on all the letter-writer’s exclamation points. One of our teachers once told us we only got one to use in writing over the course of our lifetime. We’re now hoarding about 12 extras. What? You thought we did this pro bono?)
* * *
So, give us a call at (970) 668-3998 and leave your best impression of Austin Powers asking “Who steals a dog? Honestly S” on the voicemail at extension 237. Or better yet, ask for Janice: As we don’t have a Janice, we’re kind of curious which employee that will take you to.
We’re out removing the unnecessary and offensive words from our speech S
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