Summit Up |

Summit Up


Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that has finally figured out the whole global warming thing. We really think we are on to something here. This info comes to us courtesy of one of our far-flung field agents, in this case a Wyoming-based paleontologist, who pointed us in the direction of the following website: subversives claim that the Supreme Being is actually a Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), whose image has been spotted on pizza slices and in the frothy foam of cappuccinos in coffee shops in Boulder, Laramie and Kalamazoo. Right on the first page, there’s a simple graph that explains everything. Global warming, it seems, is directly proportionate to the shrinking number of pirates worldwide. Eureka! That HAS to be it. Since 1620, the number of pirates in the world has dropped from about 35,000 down to 17 at the last officials census in 2000. At the same time, average global temperatures have climbed about two degrees Celsius. According to the FSM folks, the Chosen One, noodly appendages and all, is angry because his people (the pirates) have been killed off, so he is retaliating by raising global temperatures and causing storms. So we first want to invite local FSM followers to share with us their take on the issue by e-mailing us at then we’d like to say we’re glad to see we’re not the only ones out there with sick, twisted brains that can come up with stuff like this. It’s such a relief to know that there are other people out there who can find the absurd and sublime in everyday surroundings, like a plate of pasta.It’s as simple as that, so we can stop worrying our pretty little heads about this and get on with the rest of our lives. And that would include some killer late season turns up at A-Basin this past weekend, where winter still holds sway.***We don’t do this often, but we have a little product plug we’d like to offer. If you, dear readers, are like us, you may sometimes suffer from the spring suction cup syndrome, whereby your boards all of a sudden come to a great, slurping halt, as if suddenly gripped by the Death Star’s tractor beam. (Sorry, we watched old Star Wars reruns all weekend.)If that is the case, may we recommend Dakine’s High Octane Rub-On wax, the best of its kind. It goes on easy and smooth, you can polish it with the snot pad on your gloves and you’re basically good to go. So check it out!***We out, getting our rub on!

Support Local Journalism

Support Local Journalism

As a Summit Daily News reader, you make our work possible.

Now more than ever, your financial support is critical to help us keep our communities informed about the evolving coronavirus pandemic and the impact it is having on our residents and businesses. Every contribution, no matter the size, will make a difference.

Your donation will be used exclusively to support quality, local journalism.

For tax deductible donations, click here.

Start a dialogue, stay on topic and be civil.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.

User Legend: iconModerator iconTrusted User