Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s thinking about starting an entirely new gig as an advice column. We think it’s high time that Summit County had it’s very own up-to-date version of this classic format, but more geared toward the challenges of daily life in the High Country. Ann Landers is so … well, ’70s, if you know what we mean.
We would really love it if people would e-mail us with questions. It’s easy. Just click on this link, firstname.lastname@example.org, if you’re an online reader, or put us in your electronic address book next time you’re sitting in front of your box, and then, whenever a doozy pops into your brain, fire away! We would enjoy the mental stimulation of putting on our thinking caps and trying to come up with meaningful, sensitive and non-PC answers to all your problems. Plus, it would save us from having to make stuff up.We’re well-qualified, you know. We have highly trained professionals in all fields roaming around Summit Up headquarters, just itching to answer all your questions. For example: “Dear Summit Up, Every day when I get to work, I find my favorite parking spot filled by random boats, and I just can’t figure it out. I know there’s a place called The Boatyard just down the street. Shouldn’t these floating vessels be parked there instead? It’s really frustrating, just because I’m a creature of habit and when I can’t park in my accustomed spot it makes me really edgy and I end up swigging half my bottle of emergency cough syrup before even setting foot in the office. What should I do?”
Or this one: “Dear Summit Up, Every time I go into the recently remodeled restroom in the Safeway in Frisco, I end up tinkling on my shoes, because, well, the urinal is at ankle height, and even though I have very good aim, gravity, indoor breezes and the Coriolis force conspire to send the stream astray. Should I complain to the store manager, or is there some sort of special, uhh, equipment I could use to keep my shoes dry? This isn’t as much of a problem in the winter when I’m wearing Sorels, but I’m a little concerned about the sandal season. Wouldn’t want to stain my Birkenstocks, you know.”We’d even answer fashion questions like this one: “Dear Summit Up, Is it OK to wear sox with Tevas, or is that considered a major fashion faux pax?”Or we could help you with your social issues: “Dear Summit Up, My climbing partner has a tattoo of a rabid squirrel on his left ankle. It never used to bother me, but when my pet gerbil was afflicted by this disease last fall, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Now, I’m tempted to get a little sloppy when I’ve got him on belay and he’s leading that tricky 5.7 friction pitch up at Montezuma Rock. Should I say something to him or just find a new climbing partner?”
And finally, a real one: A friend of ours was driving down the road this winter when she was bombarded by a random meteor shower. Though the close encounter with shooting stars was dazzling, cosmic and even mind-altering, it also left a bit of a dinger in the roof (see photo somewhere on this page) of an otherwise fine and road-worthy vehicle, and our friend REALLY needs to figure out a somewhat economical way to repair this “black hole.” To get everyone in the spirit of this new inter-active format, we’re asking our readers to write in with their solutions, and we’ve already thought of duct tape. So any tin smiths or car experts out there who can think of a way to repair this unwanted air vent, please send us an e-mail to the above address.***We out, waterproofing our sandals.
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