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Summit Up

SUMMIT UP

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column fascinated by kangaroos and their reputed eco-friendly flatulence.Global warming has been a “hot” topic here on planet Earth lately. If what some experts say is right, the truth is much more than merely “inconvenient.” Someday, in the not too distant future, we might have to trek up to the Quandary summit to get in our skiing and riding.The science in all this is over our heads (another pun?), but it seems fairly obvious to us that internal combustion engines (our Subarus, Tacomas and Jeeps) aren’t really very kind to the environment.That being said, we’ve been surprised and even a little alarmed by the experts who report the destructive effects of cattle flatulence on the ozone layer. Evidently, methane from the millions of bovine creatures required to supply the world with burgers and steaks contributes substantially to heating up the atmosphere. We already had an opinion about feed-lots and red meat, but we hadn’t ever given cow gas a moment’s thought.Which brings us to kangaroos. Scientists have recently discovered that the Australian marsupials don’t expel much methane when they pass wind. Unlike those of cattle, their farts don’t harm the environment.We admit, we’ve always been fond of the pouched hoppers, but now we like them even more.The scientific community was similarly gratified by this discovery of earth-friendly kangaroo flatulence. Research dollars now pour into the field, seeking to answer a variety of burning questions: Why no methane? Is it because of their diet? Do they have special bacteria in their gut? Can the methane-less trait somehow be bred (or spliced, or something) into cattle and sheep? If a kangaroo farts in the forest does it make a sound?Luckily, this last question is being addressed by an elite group of eastern philosophers. Here at Corporate Suites we have our own list of inquiries: Are kangaroos embarrassed when they fart? Does kangaroo society recognize anything comparable to the “SBD”? Do baby kangaroos ask each other to “pull on my paw”? Do immature adult ‘roos make similar requests when they’re among their best buds?Even if we’re never able to answer most of these questions, science has finally vindicated our childhood suspicion that A.A. Milne was right:”Save Kanga and Roo, save the planet.”***On a sadder note, we’d like to mark the passing of Tatiana, the young Siberian tiger who lost her life this week at the San Francisco zoo, as well as that of the young man she killed.The tragedy reminds us of our human limitations. A wild animal is still a wild animal, and a zoo is still a zoo. Even when we watch our house cat, we can sometimes see her calculating whether or not we’d make a good dinner. Every day we’re grateful we outweigh her by 150 pounds. R.I.P. Carlos Sousa, Jr. and Tatiana.***It’s Friday and we’re out feeding Beano to our neighbor’s cows.


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