February 26, 2008
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column exploring the intriguing world of decorative poop. Why would we feature this, you’re thinking? And why would such a thing ever be decorative? Well …We discovered the “Yule Doo” Dog Poop Ornament yesterday when reading the Pet Scene section of our paper. A website, http://www.earthdoggy.com, specializing in all-natural dog products was featured by the entertainment editor. We took a look since we dwell with three rambunctious dogs ever in need of new toys and treats.As we scrolled down the main page, we saw a featured items section and began to peruse. Front and center sat Yule Doo. Our brow furrowed. Our mouth puckered slightly. What the heck? So, we clicked and read:”As seen on ‘The Tonight Show with Jay Leno’! The only ornament of its kind! Glittering ‘Doo’ hung on a red and green plaid satin ribbon. Cone shaped doos are sprinkled with glitter and hung on a satin ribbon …. hang it on the Christmas tree, or anywhere you want a good laugh! Doo-lightfully Unscented. Three inches high by 3 inches in diameter.”What? Now, we realize this is a gag gift. But fake dog poop on a ribbon? That’s taking pooch love too far. We love our dogs, but we don’t look forward to pooper scoopers, biodegradable doo bags and the occasional present on the living room carpet. Even in a festive mood, we’d never want to hang ornamental poop on anything in our home.A product of Watch Your Step Productions, Yule Doo is not singular in the decorative doo realm. Interested parties can also purchase Doo Drops (chocolate dog poop), Doo Lites (a flaming dog poop candle available in colors brown and white frost) and a Monthly Doos 2008 Dog Poop Calendar (featuring dog poop in various locals). Just wait until spring when all the snow melts and doo is littering the streets. Locals will be calling the Summit Daily, placing scum alerts for all the people who refused to pick up dog poop over the winter and instead just kicked snow over the doo because, as we all know, if you can’t see something, it’s not there. Instead of being angry about all the street doo, we should appreciate it since it’s now entered the realm of decor.We suggest that instead of wasting money on purchasing pre-made, fake poop ornaments, dog lovers should just enjoy their own dog’s brand. They can save Fido doo and bronze it, just how our parents preserved our tiny baby booties.Even better, maybe Watch Your Step Productions could start a side business of poop preservation. They would be trendsetters, bronzing puppy’s first poop for proud doggy parents. Then, instead of Yule Doo hung on the tree, real poop (in an odorless and germ-free form) can be turned into a tree ornament, a paperweight or free-standing art. We bet that someone would want to bronze their pet’s poop for posterity. Or maybe not. ***We’d also like to send out an Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!! to the Butterhorn Bakery on Main Street in Frisco. They like us so much, they decided to give us a scrumptious, calorific treat to reward us for simply existing and doing what we do every day. Thanks, Butterhorn! ***We out, wondering who buys this stuff. Yule Doo, please don’t. E-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.