Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column wondering how something as seemingly harmless as paper can pack such a malevolent punch.
We got on this train of thought as one of our staffers reported in to work nursing one heckuva paper cut on one of his digits.
At first we thought that he had reverted to thumb-sucking, perhaps in response to the stress of moving an entire household across the county, but once he pulled his thumb out of his mouth and explained what happened, the rest of the staff here at Summit Up HQ chimed in to report similar experiences.
This makes us thankful we live in the age of computers and don’t have to deal with reams of paper on a regular basis.
Our staffer first wanted to let it be known that he is not looking for sympathy in any way, shape or form, although he’s sometimes been accused of holding pity-parties.
He says he was really just trying to relay some useful information about life and how to avoid household injuries that aren’t covered under worker’s comp.
But moving several years of accumulated junk CAN be pretty painful, and we’re not just talking hernias here, although that’s always a distinct possibility, given that the task involves lifting heavy pieces of furniture.
But more dangerous, we think, are the old bits of snotty tissue that need to be picked up from behind that furniture. There’s just no telling what kind of germs are lurking there.
The good part about all this, our staffer says, is finding all sorts of old stuff that he thought was gone forever, like old Super Balls (trademarked by Wham-O), Nerf darts, Hot Wheels cars and toys from fast food restaurants that take on a whole new meaning after they’ve been lost for a few months.
It’s sort of like instant nostalgia.
Our staffer’s favorite on this go-round was a burger-shaped thing from McDonalds, about two inches in diameter, that whirs across the table on a set of wheels.
We think it’s a a plastic replica of a Big Mac, and the two little plastic replica patties spin in opposite directions as it moves.
Kinda cool, and our staffer spent several minutes letting himself be distracted from the serious task of moving by letting the little plastic burger go rolling off the edge of the dining room table.
Ahh, the little things in life make all the difference, don’t they? Like finding old Scooby
Doo comics under the bed, which made for another great distraction from the tedious chore of wrapping things in newspaper and trying to fit them in boxes that were totally designed for something else.
And what the heck is “stemware?”
Our staffer says his mom, who was helping with the packing for a few hours, wrote this on one of the boxes.
Hmmm, OK, it seems stemware means glasses with stems, as in wine goblets.
We always just thought they were called glasses, but are glad to know that next time we need to impress some dinner guests, we can just say something like, “Excuse me for a minute while we go fetch some stemware.”
That oughta go over pretty well amongst the Summit social set.
Out staffer also reports finding post cards from places he’s never been, tiny bottles of exotic spices, silk shawls and perfumes that clearly originated with a tribe of North African camel traders, not to mention old pieces of nearly petrified waffles.
Maybe that food fight several years ago wasn’t such a good idea after all.
The one thing our staffer was really hoping to find is a prayer shawl that was a gift from the Dalai Lama.
All we can say is, we hope it didn’t inadvertently get used as a kitchen towel somewhere along life’s journey, although if it did, we’re sure His Holiness would approve and probably even get a good chuckle out of the deal.
Our staffer says the only thing that has him really worried about all this is what he might find when he moves the stove out from against the kitchen wall to do some cleaning before shutting off the lights for the last time.
He says he recalls some serious boil-overs and near-explosions in the kitchen that may have resulted in some stove-top spillage.
Who knows what sort of toxic brew has built up back there.
But there’s an up side.
Our staffer says he’s been able to sort through some stuff and get rid of several big, huge bags of accumulated things that haven’t been touched in several years. This is a good thing, another staffer agreed.
t’s always nice to lighten the load that you carry through life.
We recommend the three-year rule, which is, if you find something in your house that you haven’t touched in three years, get rid of it!
We out, walking tall.
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