Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column wondering: “What in the heck is Moustache March?”
Apparently March has become a month long celebration of moustaches.
We had no idea. Believe us when we say: “Ewwww!” Last week one of our field agent’s significant other proclaimed his desire to grow a decorative lip strip.
They looked at him closely with squinted eyes.
“Why?” they asked, with distrust in our voice.
“It’s Mustache March,” he replied with a shrug and a smile.
Huh? We checked the web, just to confirm the actual existence of a month-long event featuring such a weird masculine accessory. And indeed, to our dismay, it does exist.
Now don’t get us wrong.
Some men (and women, we suppose) look positively dapper with a trimmed mustache, but there’s nothing worse than seeing a long droopy ‘stache with food attached to it.
Or when guys suck on their mustaches to make sure they’re clean. Gross.
However, what we’ve also discovered about Mustache March is that in some cases it’s been turned into a philanthropic event.
For example, in Milwaukee there’s a mustache manifesto dedicating March as a month to both grow mustaches and raise money for cancer research.
Mustachemarch.com said: “Why mustaches? Mustaches have always been politically-charged.
They’ve been banned by kings, forbidden by employers and used as a form of protest.
The popularity of mustaches has ebbed and waned throughout the ages, and in America today we find ourself at a low point of mustache-acceptance.
What better way to start a cultural movement than to embrace an unpopular social practice in attempt to raise money for charity?
The Follicle Freedom Foundation was born of this idea. Our goal is threefold.
Revive a once-glorious grooming practice, humiliate ourselves in the process, and raise some cash for a worthy cause.”
Milwaukee’s contest awards in five categories: Best of Show, Most Disturbing, Most Fitting, the Dirtlip Award and the Preexisting Condition Class Award.
Another website, moustachemarch.com, proclaims to celebrate mustaches, not for a cause, but for the love of the look.
Moustachemarch.com said that the hairy celebration started in 2003 when a few friends grew winter beards and shaved them off around the same time, sparking interest in continuing the trend year after year during the month of March.
SoCalChevy.com even sponsors a Mustache March Madness webpage, featuring a photo contest, and it advertises Mustache Madness as being on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
So, again, we ask: How did we not know about this? And are there any contests going on in Summit County?
We have a Scum Alert! Scum Alert! from Patty in Dillon: “I hate having to put in a scum alert, but the morons who decided to drive their snowmobiles all over the Dillon Nature Preserve last week (including coming within 2 feet of actually hitting the sign that specifically says “No Snowmobiles”) definitely deserve it!”
Another Scum Alert! Scum Alert! goes out to the driver of a white pickup truck who has a noose hanging from the frame of his truck, the length of which almost filled the window of the cab.
The witness, who wants to remain unidentified, thinks that this guy either doesn’t know what a noose means, or that he’s purposely trying to make some racist point.
The noose symbolizes nothing but fear, intimidation, bigotry, terror, violence and death.
We agree. Are we missing something?
We out, hoping to see a mustache contest before the month is out. E-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org with contest locations.
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