Summit Up 2-15-11: in search of the elusive Tofu Bouquet
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that is feeling a little bloated following a prolonged chocolaty squawk on Monday. Why does everything have to be celebrated with sugar and high-fructose corn syrup-based products? What did people do before these things were in wide circulation? Did you give a box of pickles or olives or something as a love offering?
We’re not sure. But we are concerned about this bacon bouquet thing we’ve been hearing about. Basically the idea is that guys love bacon, not flowers, so enterprising ladies looking for that special Valentine’s Day gift were encourage to fry up some bacon, roll it up into flower-like shapes and form a sort of bouquet out of it (as seen in this photo).
Cool, eh? It’s disgusting, fat-laden, utterly wrong and indicative of everything that’s wrong with this country in one greasy package!
Don’t get us wrong: We love bacon and eat it in moderation. But we just figure by the time you’ve got this bouquet all put together the bacon’s going to be all cold and nasty, so what’s the point? And BTW: Howzabout a Tofu Bouquet for vegetarians? Fair is fair …
OK, all you Jeopardy! fans out there, hopefully you’re watching this week as a super computer from IBM named Watson takes on the two greatest Jeopardy! players of all time – Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter. We don’t know what’s going to happen, but we are very concerned about what Alex Trebek is going to do during the part of the show where he asks the contestants about funny stories from their lives.
What do you ask a super computer? What kind of stories can it have? And since it’s an IBM, does it have a massive Mac inferiority complex? But maybe it’d sound kinda like this:
Alex: So, Watson, I understand you once had a funny thing happen to you at a business conference?
Watson: That’s right, Alex. I was just a laptop at the time, and my grandfather, who was an IBM Selectric, decided it was time for me to learn a thing or two about the business world. But when we got there, grandpa Selectric was so obsolete they wouldn’t let him in, which left me to fend for myself.
Alex: And …?
Watson: That’s it. That’s all I’ve got.
Alex: That sucks!
Well, what do you expect from a computer? We’re not talking Hal here, a computer with some interesting life experiences like messing with a bunch of astronaut’s heads.
On the other hand, it’s not much worse than some of the real contestant stories – especially for the likes of Brad and Ken, who’ve been on so many times that they’re fresh out of interesting anecdotes. Heck, Keith Richards or Bill Clinton would have a hard time coming up with that many cool stories!
Anyway, watch the shows, see what you think …
In other news, we have information here that millions of boxes of Girl Scout cookies are flooding the state of Colorado – you may have seen them appearing this week already, and soon the girls will be out at the grocery stores and other such places selling them – so help them out!
Have a swell Tuesday out there, Summit County. We out.
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