Summit Up 2-23-10
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s figured out an easy way to make our car sound like a pair of wrestling dinosaurs. We’re talking, of course, about fenderbergs – those giant chunks of snow, ice, dirt and mag chloride that accumulate in the wheel wells after a snowstorm. If you’ve got a smaller car, it’s even worse (or better, as you’ll soon see), and we’ve found that, if we turn our wheel to the left at just a certain angle, it sounds like a suchomimus. If we turn to the right a certain amount, it sounds like an jeholopterus! If we go in reverse and wiggle the wheel back and forth, it totally sounds like a therizinosaurus locked in a Greco-Roman wrestling match with a stygimoloch. We’re not kidding! MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: Quit making up dino names. And no one knows what dinosaurs sounded like. SU: True, but we’ve seen the films, and we believe the geniuses in Hollywood have probably come pretty darn close to approximating dinosaur noises. We’re also pretty darn sure that, if your average suchomimus heard our Honda Civic the way it sounds right now, he’d come a-running, thinking we might be a lady suchomimus looking for love.(BTW: All these are real dinosaurs we got off an about.com article called “The 10 Weirdest Dinosaurs.” We really think this stuff out, we’ll have you know.)So, what’s a gal or guy to do if he or she doesn’t want the car to sound like a brachytrachelopan in heat? As Summit County residents know, fenderbergs can be tough to dislodge. For one thing, if you kick at them, you run this risk of 67) breaking your toe or *^) seriously dirtying your shoe. One method we’ve tried with some success is our patented Summit Up Fenderberg Burro Kick: You stand facing away from the fenderberg and kick it with the sole of your shoe. (You can customize to your own preferences; call it a “Donkey blast” or a “Camel whack,” we don’t care.)Another good method is to go after fenderbergs when you’re wearing alpine ski boots. In addition to being good for, y’know, skiing, these boots were just made for kicking the crap out of unwanted wheel-well ice, and the chances of busting a toe are reduced greatly. Yet another thing we’ve tried with some success is using the driveway ice-chipper thingy we have. So long as you don’t miss and gouge your fender or sever a brake line, those fenderbergs will soon be lying on the driveway … which leads us to our next problem: how to get rid of fenderbergs. You certainly don’t want to just leave them there, because some of them are so big you can’t even back over them. Some of the larger ones will scare small children. You don’t want to pick them up, because they will seriously muck-up your Manzanellas. If you’re near a snow shovel, that works OK – just be prepared to have that thing leering at you in the spring when all the other snow melts and the fenderberg is still going strong on the lawn.Fenderbergs: ya gotta love ’em! Or not. It’s really up to you.*** Today’s ‘Lympics update has to do with the hardware you get if you do well in the Games. Yep, we’re talking about the medals themselves, which some have criticized this year as being kinda weird and wavy looking and too big. We think they look cool, and we figure if you’re going to earn one of these things, it may as well stand out. Someone asked during a medal ceremony how much of, say, a gold medal is actually gold, and we weren’t sure. But then we read the following on http://www.treehugger.com, which tells pretty much all you need to know about the ‘Lympic medal composition:”For the first time, the medals awarded at the Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games will contain recycled materials. The Vancouver-based Teck Resources extracted gold, silver, and copper from old electronics (through a smelting process on cathode ray tube glass, circuit boards, and other computer parts) for use in the more than 1,000 medals that will be awarded at the end of the games. “A total of 2.05 kg of gold, 1,950 kg of silver, and 903 kg of copper were used, which in the end means just a small percentage of recycled material in each medal, but the mining of gold and other minerals is often quite destructive, so it’s a good first step-and as any Olympic athlete would probably tell you, you’ve gotta start somewhere!”Interesting, eh? Plus, we got to use the word “smelting” in the column!***We have here a Smarty Pants Alert! going out to Frisco’s Nicole Mcmanis, who was just named to The Seaver College Dean’s List at Pepperdine University in Malibu, Calif.Congrats! Keep it up, Nicole. ***Charley Wrather wrote to send in these old chestnuts about stereotypical Colorado people. Maybe you’ve heard these before, but maybe not:You can live in Colorado where …1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.And don’t forget No. 5: Your $500 car weighs 100 pounds more than a similar model at sea level because of the fenderbergs!***That’s all for today folks. Have a titillating Tuesday and we’ll check ya tomorry.
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