Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column worried that ol’ Uncle Guilt is on the QT because he sent Cousin Consequences out with the order not to return unless he brings our hide with him.
Really, that does make sense.
We’ve been playing a lot lately. Frustrated, as we imagine all of our good readers are, with a bust of a winter, less-than-lackluster financial fortunes and, to be honest, a dearth of anything worth watching on the tube, we’ve been running around outside as if calories had been shown to cause cancer. We’ve been hiking – mostly to chase golf balls and Frisbees (and little elves who throw individually wrapped cheese slices at us and then run off into the woods laughing maniacally like tiny, green, lactose-intolerant Osama bin Ladens – but that’s a column for another day), but suffice to say, we’ve been truant, A.W.O.L. or playing hooky, or any other thing you want to call it.
Today’s inspiration and introduction, consequently, has to do with the fact that conscience, guilt, responsibility and ambition seem to be having about as much impact on us the past week as conflict in the Mideast (which is to say, not much impact at all, except for these weird dreams in which Yasser Arafat is on “The Muppet Show” and Grover is trying to convince him either that Palestinians are Muppets, or the other way around – but, again, that’s a column for another day). We’re shirking all desks, debts and duties, save friends, and it’s not bothered us at all.
You may be thinking, well, just what great burden does a daily column bear? You might say it’s not as if we’re supposed to be watching the red button down at Cheyenne Mountain, and you’d be right. But we do have to be here to remind you that life is good, to cheer you up when you’re feeling down or even make you chuckle. In some respects, we’re a lot like your dog: We take your mind for a walk so you can relax, we leave a pile in your neighbor’s lawn when he does something karmically destructive and we love it when you pet us and throw us bones.
But as we said, no matter. It could be the calm before the end of the world, all this sunshine and serenity we seem to be finding in the Summit Up Land out of doors, but we’re not concerning ourselves with that right now. Here’s to hoping you’re coasting, too.
A person called from the Frisco Station mall between Wal-ly World and Safeway Tuesday morning, and they didn’t call it this, but we’re calling it a Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! You tell us if it’s deserved or not.
The caller was disappointed, as were many other proprietors over there, we were told, that the property manager was out in the parking lot cleaning off the blacktop with a hose hooked up to a hydrant. The caller said after driving to work past the lake in the morning, it was rather depressing watching this guy waste water on a cleaner parking lot.
“We realize most of the water goes back into the system and into the lake, and really doesn’t affect water supply like that, but it just doesn’t look right,” we were told.
We’ll field all your gripes about water – in any state of matter – at firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just make water torture dripping noises on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
It’s Wednesday. Ladies and gentleman, obligation has left the building …
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