Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that wonders why Michael Phelps gets to prove he’s the fastest swimmer at the Olympics eight times.
It’s not that we don’t appreciate the way Phelps has performed, time and again, under the enormous pressure of expectation.
It’s just that, well, after the first race it was apparent that he was the fastest swimmer on the planet, yet he gets to come home with so many medals that one of his teammates likened them to wind chimes.
It hardly seems fair to the likes of beach volleyballers Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor, who have to win something like 43 matches to gain a single gold medal. (NBC is hardly complaining, seeing as how putting attractive female athletes in skimpy bikinis on television during prime time is a sure-fire hit.)
Although we enjoy the Olympics, the amazing efforts and incredible tension spawned by an event that occurs only once every four years, we do wonder why athletes in some events get top-heavy with medals and others have but one shot at glory.
Take the gymnasts: Favorite Shawn Johnson lost the all-around competition to her teammate, Nastia Liukin, and both of them lost to the Chinese in the team competition. But no worry, America’s latest sweetheart ” there’s also the balance beam!
See? If you come up with enough specialties and divisions, we could all become gold medalists. We here at World HQ are convinced that with a little practice, it’s not too late to bring home some heavy metal from London in one of the obscure sports like trampoline or rapid-fire shooting.
On such a beautiful day, it’s a real shame to have to print this Scum Alert! Scum Alert!! from Brittney in Dillon. She writes: “On Saturday afternoon, I rode my bike to work at the Silverthorne Outlet stores. It is a Trek Mountain bike, black with red lettering, and an old worn-out seat. I parked my bike in the back at the Red Village while I was working. When I went to retrieve it, it was gone! I would love to have it back ” no questions asked. Just bring it back to where you took it from. However, if you choose to keep the bike you stole from me, watch your back because bad karma will be watching out for you.”
Sorry to hear about that, Brittney, and a pox upon the opportunistic thief. That said, bike locks are handy things, folks, and if losing your bike would make you mad or leave you afoot at an inopportune time, it’s worth protecting it.
It’s Wednesday, and we’re out practicing our backflips. Send us ideas for Olympic sports you could win at firstname.lastname@example.org
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