Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column walking around with a safety pin for a zipper.
While this might not sound like much more than a small fashion issue to you, it was jerry-rigging that required the dexterity of a surgeon, if you get our drift. Pointy things in the nether-regions make us more nervous than a chihuahua in a mousetrap factory. We’re sure you understand.
What’s more, now we’re faced with a horrible choice: Do we scrap a pair of our favorite, most comfortable, no-need-to-iron pants because of a simple zipper disaster, or do we take on the domestic seamstress challenge and try to replace the zipper (with the all-too-likely possibility that we’ll just make things worse)?
We can’t decide if this is more like “The Princess and the Pea,” “David and Goliath” or Aesop’s fable about the lion with the thorn in his paw, but you can be sure there’s something of mythic proportion here.
The funny part of this, however, is the zipper on these particular pants never worked well to begin with. It always had a funny way of sneaking down during the day as we walked around. This isn’t such a big deal if your job happens to be standing behind a counter somewhere or wearing an apron. But when your job is walking around talking to large groups and meeting heads of state such as the King of Uganda, this can be a problem. For some reason, people tend to take you less seriously after watching you fiddle around with the front of your pants for five minutes.
Don’t worry, though. We’ll figure this out. Grampa Summit Up didn’t pay for seven years of college so his descendants could walk around half naked, after all.
Yet another person called to complain about water-using habits. This Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! goes out to the town of Frisco. Yesterday’s caller said she was surprised last week as she went to work one snowy morning and the town was using sprinklers to water the grass around town hall. Later that day, she told us, they were using sprinklers to water Triangle Park, even though snow was still in full bloom.
Then again, this is the same town that’s considering kicking the nonprofit Summit Prevention Alliance out of the cabin on Main Street because they think the town core needs more retail options. How about a Wal-ly World annex that sells squirt guns?
Anybody out there remember Giles Dumont? Apparently, he worked for Keystone a while back at The Garden Room. Anyway, he sent us an e-mail saying he’d be returning to the area in August (he’ll be on his honeymoon), and he’s trying to connect with some old friends. So, Dave Clark, Dan Draper and Cullen Barker, if you’re out there, drop Giles a note at email@example.com.
“I’m sure you have better things to do with your paper but would really appreciate this message, as meeting any of my old friends would be nice,” Giles wrote. He must think we actually do stuff, huh?
Speculation on what to do with the continually decreasing lake levels continues:
“Following up on your remarks the other day concerning the condition of Lake Dillon, I have discovered a small secret cabal that hopes to plumb the depths and video the remains of old Dillon town,” writes jadestreet in an e-mail. “Their first wish was to call National Geographic and Bob Ballard in to do the job. But when there were no return calls forthcoming, they decided they’d try it on their own. Due to limited funds, they intend to make it a community event, and with the monies gathered at bake sales and car washes, they hope to equip an ATV with a snorkel, and let a local scuba diver drive down to old Dillon to take pictures!”
Put us down for a plate full of brownies and a ride to the bottom (as long as they’re a half-hour apart, of course).
Ladies and gentlemen, we hereby decree this Thursday to be YKK Appreciation Day. We’re out looking for someone willing to touch our zipper …
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