Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column empathizing with those anti-war demonstrators out on Highway 9 today.
If you’re like us and you tend to sleep late Saturdays, you probably already missed it. Some folks (we don’t know how many exactly, because we’re writing this on Friday and, as much as we’d like to think we’re prescient, we can barely tell you what’s coming on TV next) got out their placards and sandwich boards and gathered in Breck and Frisco to get people thinking about all this war business.
Well, it’s going to be cold out (we can see into the future that much), and the weather probably won’t cooperate much, so to bolster their spirits, we’re printing this clever little ditty. The Summit Up Official Sports Statistician and Bluegrass Expert Jason sent it to us and says it’s sung to the tune of “If you’re happy and you know it”:
If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think that someone’s dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with
Let’s look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
It’s pre-emptive non-aggression, bomb Iraq.
To prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They’ve got weapons we can’t see,
And that’s all the proof we need,
If they’re not there, they must be there,
If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam’s gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
And he tried to kill your dad,
If corporate fraud is growin’, bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin’, bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain’t easy,
And your manhood’s getting queasy,
Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We’ll call it treason,
Let’s make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Very clever, no?
Lisa discovered there are still good people in the world and she sent us this Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!!
“I wanted to report on a kind act by an employee at City Market in Breckenridge last week. I had left my purse in the car and just took in $40 cash in my jacket pocket. When I got up to the register, Linda was the cashier. After she rang everything up, my total came to $40.53. I asked to put one item back, as I was over the amount I had on me by $0.53.
This kind person would not allow me to do that and chipped in $0.53 from her own wallet/purse stating that she wanted to help and would hope someone would help her if she ever needed it. I just wanted to say thanks to Linda for her kindness.”
We’re going to put Linda in the karmic express lane whether she has less than 10 items or not.
It’s Saturday. Some of you war supporters out there should write us your own little ditty. We can’t hear you over all the doves squawking. Declare war at email@example.com, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just shout about infamy on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.
We’re out recovering from a chocolate overdose …
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