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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that stayed indoors Saturday and missed all the international protests – and thus, also stayed out of jail, for once – regarding the U.S.’s impending/inevitable/possible/ probable/likely/let’s-flip-a-quarter war on Iraq.

There are a lot of people out there who don’t want us to give Saddam a little preemptive bomb up the wazoo, eh? But the protest we liked the most was that from the Raging Seniors, who sang this little ditty:

“Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie

“War is not the answer

“We ask you to take your stupid war

“And stick it in your pants, sir!”

Or something like that. We can just see these seniors, picketing on a major intersection in a large town near you, rockin’ and ragin’ and urging W to shove the war in his pants! Oh, that just tickles us to no end!


We are also quite amused and astonished by the ramblings of citizens in Phoenix, whose motto is “We Like our Heads in the Sand!” and whose major reservoir is 14 percent full going into the summer.

“A lot of people automatically and incorrectly associate the desert with no water,” said Ken Kroski, spokesman for the Phoenix water supply. “All these decades of planing for water resources and storage have paid off.”

Excuse us? Deserts are dry?! Decades of planning have lead to reservoirs being 14 percent full – and they’re relieved about this!?

Phoenix officials say they realize they will receive no – repeat, NO – water from their Arizona sources (snowmelt and rain), and they will “have plenty of supply in the next few years because it draws a major allocation from Colorado River dams … most of the water for Phoenix this year will be (from) Colorado snowmelt.” They are “confident” there will be plenty of water from its share of Colorado River water … that there “will be more than enough for city lawns in 2003.”

Obviously, these sun-baked folks can’t see much farther down the cement channels of the Central Arizona Project than they can see to the ends of their lush lawns. They’re going to get their water from our snowmelt? We ain’t got no stinkin’ snowfall up here, Phoenix! Just wait and see!

We compare the thoughts of Phoenix water officials with the ones of Utahans, who aren’t always known for their leadership in forward-thinking, proactive anything or general enlightenment.

Utah wasn’t hit with as bad a drought last summer as many Western states but anticipates this summer to be the worst it has ever seen. (Reality point No. 1 goes to … Utah!). Utah typically gets its water from snowmelt from ski areas near them, and then taps into the Colorado River water.

But, as Stephanie Doerr, Utah water spokeswoman said, “That water just isn’t available this year because no one else has water, either.” (Two points: Utah). “We’re nowhere near cracking this drought. There is no winter. It’s just not happening.” (Three, four, five points: Utah.)

We hope Phoenix’s leaders are looking for alternate water sources under their desert sands, where, as Mr. Kroski so clearly said, people incorrectly associate the desert with being dry. We wonder how we could have been so ignorant all these years.


We out singin’ with the Ragin’ Seniors.

Georgie Porgie …

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