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Summit Up

Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s now worried about pirates, for Pete’s sake! Add this to all the other stuff we’re fretting about:

-the ‘conomy

-health care

-wacky commentators on radio and TV comparing Obama to Stalin

-disappearing bees

-brown stuff in our snow

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-those really hard-to-open plastic bags inside cereal boxes that were obviously invented by the guy who came up with DVD and CD packaging

-wolverines (not Hugh Jackman; the real ones, who will tear your arm off so much as look atcha!)

-etc. etc. and ending up with a snippet of an old Monty Python song called “Worried”:

I’m worried about the

baggage retrieval

system they’ve got at Heathrow

So, as we said, pirates. Somali dudes with machine guns and bass boats tooling around whatever ocean that is by Somalia and taking over giant ships and then … we’re not sure what they do next. Does a modern pirate hork all the shipping containers full of plastic crap from China and bury them on a remote island with a map they will immediately lose? Do they still have parrots and cool flags? (If not, they’re really missing out on an opportunity for some cool accessorizing).

Anyway, we’re sure that the 900 bazillion dollars worth of Navy hardware we have floating around doing training exercises will make short work of these guys. Or not.

***

Actually, maybe what we really need to deal with these pirates is a tough chick, like, um, Angie Dickinson!

MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: Who?

SU: You know, Angie Dickinson from that show Police Woman in the 1970s.

MSUR: Not really. But go on …

SU: Well, there was this show, and she was on it and she was tough. And now, according to this Extremely Random Press Release we received, Angie Dickinson is back!

MSUR: Yawn.

SU: Ok, so she’s like 77 years old now, but she’s going to be in this show on the Hallmark Channel …

MSUR: Yawn, drool …

SU: … called “Prosper’s Last Stand.” We can’t be bothered to read further to find out what it’s about but, hey, Police Woman! Hot granny kickin’ butt on Somali pirates! Why not?

Check it out on the Hallmark Channel on July 4 (plenty of time to make your plans and prepare your chip trays …)

***

Since we have officially decreed it to be Mud Season, that means many people are bailing the county while those of us stuck here enjoy the mud, dog poop and great deals at local shops. Restaurants will have two-fers, the ski and snowboard gear will be sold at drastic discounts, and even summer stuff can be had for a song.

Slightly more relevant than the news release about Angie Dickinson being in some TV movie on July 4 is this notice from Mountain Sports Outlet in Dilverthorne which is having its Deals on Wheels event this weekend starting at 11 a.m. today and Sunday. Sez here:

This is the largest bike sale in the high country and features models from top manufacturers such as Specialized, Trek, Bianchi, and Fuji. Prices start as low as $99.99 for Trek rental bikes and go up depending on the model and features. As an additional incentive, every bike purchase includes free lifetime adjustments. A selection of bike models and sizes for kids will also be on sale.

Get thee to MSO!

***

Finally today, we had a call from Orion Prewitt of Frisco who said he’s tired of hearing all the belly-aching about the ‘conomy and the Peak One parcel and all that and thought it was time to divert our attention to funner issues, such as that age-old question: Who is the greatest rock guitarist of all time? How about bassist? Drummer? Keyboards? Singer?

We’ll kick it off with our “Dream Team” picks:

Guitar: Jack White

Bass: Flea

Drums: Neil Peart, Rush

Singer: Rivers Cuomo from Weezer

Keyboards: Steve Nieve from Elvis Costello’s band

Glockenspiel: Gilman Finkelstein

Send your picks in to summitup@summitdaily.com. We’ll see who comes out on top.

We out.