Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column helping the state figure out how to spend $10 million promoting tourism.
First off, they need to take a big chunk and deposit it in our bank account. Oh, a million or two should do the trick. How’s that going to stimulate tourism and get all of us back on the road to riches, you ask? Well, a couple million dollars would help us answer that question.
If you didn’t see the news, the guv, Big Bill, Li’l Bush Buddy, Willy Highway, has made up for last year’s gaffe (“All of Colorado is burning!”) by giving the state’s tourism office $10 million for marketing so we can get the economy hopping again. People are wondering just how the tourism office is going to do that, and as you might expect, we have a few ideas.
Second (remember, the first part was giving us money?), we send a fleet of CDOT plow drivers to the East Coast. The East has been inundated with snow the past week, and our boys (and ladies) know how to clean up the roads. People will see that and be so grateful, they’ll come visit us.
Third, once all that snow is piled up, the resorts recruit the sickest snowboarders and freestyle skiers hanging out on our slopes, put ’em on a plane and send them out east. They’ll have those piles of snow turned into kickers in no time, and when passers-by see them throwing 560-switch-misty-fat-free-roast-beef-
mustard-on-the-side-with-shoelace-grabs, they’ll be making reservations faster than you can say, “Monkey-see-monkey-do.”
Then, we take, like, $3 million and pitch a TV sitcom to the networks. We’re thinking something along the lines of a “Gilligan’s Island” thing, except everybody’s marooned in the backcountry of Colorado. We know a guy who knows a guy who once stood in an unemployment line with Bob Denver, and we’re pretty sure we could get him to reprise the role of Gilligan for our show. Add some sort of “Survivor” vote-the-jerks-off, ratings go through the roof and everybody wants to visit the new Rocky Mountain Hollywood.
We’ve got some more ideas, but we’ll just let you digest those.
Speaking of TV, everybody get ready to eat a bowl of earthworms. “Fear Factor,” the NBC show that gets contestants to jump off buildings and eat things no human should ever eat, even if stranded high in the Andes by a plane crash, will be at Breckenridge on Sunday. Yes, you’re all invited to try out.
But first, why not stop by KSMT “The Mountain” studios in Breck at 4 p.m. today. There, you’ll be able to demonstrate your “stupid human trick” and bypass the first round of screening for the TV tryouts. Don’t call us for more details; listen to the radio.
Oh, no, what will Thursday bring? Hopefully more sunshine like yesterday. If it brought you something exceptional, tell us all about it at email@example.com, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just tickle our fetish and record the popping of those plastic packing bubble sheets on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.
We’re out trying to find out if that tourism money can also be used to keep in-laws away …
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