April 30, 2009
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that, these days, is deeply enmeshed in a fifth-grade science fair project. We’re in so deep we’ve got mud under our fingernails and sand between our toes, as we try to help figure out which material ” sand, mud, concrete or gardening soil ” is best at holding back flood waters.
Let us tell you, this wasn’t our idea, nosirree! This came straight from the fertile brain of a 10-year-old, helped along by one of the many amazing teachers over at Summit Cove Elementary. Props to all those folk, by the way.
Back in the day when we did science fairs, we can’t remember the projects being quite so elaborate or ambitious. Our biggest effort was lighting a candle inside a glass milk bottle, then putting a peeled hard-boiled egg in the opening and watching it get sucked inside the bottle as the candle burned up all the oxygen and created a partial vacuum. We always though it was a pretty cool experiment, and it it only took a couple of common household items. Plus, we got to use fire, which is always a big plus when it comes to science experiments for pre-teens.
That reminds us, our other big scientific feat was taking tiny chunks of sulphur that came with our chemistry set and setting them on fire in a tiny little metal lab spoon that also came with the kit. And believe it or not, our parents let us do this in our room, without adult supervision, trusting us not to burn the house down.
Man, we LOVED that bright neon-blue sulphuric flame. And the smell …. If could’ve only bottled and patented it, we would have been the king of stink bombs.
Ah, yes, times have changed. In some ways for the better. The flood control experiment really does have a good scientific component, especially with the methodology used to track the results of testing the various materials. We’re impressed, truly, by the level these kids are working at.
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So, it’s May 1, which in our mind is the first day to wear flip flops. So we are. And putting them on reminded us that we’ve been wanting to make a new pair of cut-off jeans. We wrote about this one before, and since we’re incredibly busy today, we’re going to delve back and dust off a classic holiday edition of Summit Up. Anyone out there still wear cut-offs? And we’re talking about the Real Thing here, not the store-bought, $39.99 Nordstrom’ “faux” casual wear. We mean where you wake up one day and, realizing it’s too warm to wear long pants, you just impulsively grab those faded, comfy Levis and a pair of scissors and hack away. What a liberating feeling! We highly recommend it to everyone as a way to celebrate May Day. Just try and get the lengths the same on both legs, so that you don’t have to go back and even them up, otherwise you might end up with a pair of hot pants, which could be good, or it could be bad. It all depends. We’re not making any value judgments here, we’re just sayin’ there are certain people that can wear hot pants, and other people who should never, ever even consider the idea.
So in lieu of dancing around the Maypole, grab those jeans, cut ’em off, and please, by all means, send us a picture at firstname.lastname@example.org. Best cutoffs win a free extreme makeover by our of skilled fashionistas, who will embroider a likeness of Elvis on your denim. We’ll even paint your toenails rainbow colors for you and throw in a free SDN tattoo.
By the way, this is BIG day for some of us here at the Corporate Suites. You see, we love any festival that emphasizes fertility and the richness of the Earth, even more so if it involves dancing by beautiful young maidens and handsome lads. But to add the icing to the cake, May Day during the 20th century became established as an anarchist and socialist holiday, sometimes also known as International Workers Day. We know for a fact that in many civilized countries, the toiling worker bees actually use this day to go to a park, have a picnic with their friends and family, quaffing plenty of dandelion wine in the process. That’s after the big parade, of course, when everyone wears read, and waves giant read banners proclaiming solidarity with all the other workers of the world. Quaint, isn’t it?
We out, looking for scissors!