Summit Up |

Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s going to be popping more pills than Bob Dole.We here at Summit Up are proud to spread the word about Opus, the first orgasm pill on the market. Yes, read that sentence again, an orgasm pill.According to this fax we received here at the Corporate Suites (what, you thought we got this out of a medical journal?), it’s taken three years of research and development, but the scientists and doctors (the PR people who sent this capitalized “Scientists and Doctors,” just to remind us they’re smart and important) finally nailed the nutriceutical formula to hit what we endearingly call “the mommy-daddy button.””Opus is the first aphrodisiac that is based on verifiable science and is backed by Scientists and Medical Doctors,” the press release says. So it has to be true!Let us just say, if it were true, if you could have an orgasm just by taking a pill, the world would come to a gear-grinding halt in about an hour. You think crack is a problem? You think you have a tough time right now getting your burger-and-fries order across to the $7-an-hour employee behind the counter?Nonetheless, we’re asking, where we can we get a free sample? We’ve got this image in our heads of Jane Fonda in that machine in “Barbarella” we just can’t shake.***The weirdness that people send us just goes on and on. Check out this e-mail we received the other day:”Dear Sir, Shis is magazine of CO-OPERATION ECONOMY & SCIENCE in China, we devote ourselves into the developing of economy and science in china, we are famous, I email to you just want to make friendship with you. If you also interested in cooperating with us, please inform me.”Thank you i will be waiting for your reply, Wang Ming.”Wow, famous people want to be our friends. Who’da figured? If you want to make friends, you can e-mail them at if you really want a pen-pal, check out***Congrats! to our most recent grads from Colorado State University. Breckenridge residents Alan Michael Dempsey, Brandon Mark Fischer, Andrew J. Petrash and Jillian Mae Petrash all collected sheepskin this winter.***It’s Friday and the alert condition for threat of a weekend is extremely high. You should probably leave work early, just to be safe. Or, de-stress before the imminent time off by sending us a note at, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just practice your deep breathing on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.We’re down in Denver staring at the brown cloud …

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