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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column having a spanking good time thanks to this Web site on corporal punishment we just found.

(What, you thought we were working over here?)

After reading a good bit and perusing the TV Guide listings for this week, we’ve come to the conclusion that what this country needs to turn itself around is not rewriting how we run schools or banning rap music. Nor is it opening up politics to a multi-party system. No, what we need is a sound spanking.

It’s no accident we mentioned the TV listings. See, as we peruse the cable offerings, what we noticed is an increasing tendency for your average viewer to not only tolerate but appreciate other people getting hurt and humiliated. You could say it all started with “COPS,” but it continues today with all these reality shows, caught-on-tape shows and contests like “Fear Factor.” We hope you’re in Breckenridge today trying out, by the way.

And some may say we’re just rooting for a civilizational decline a la Rome and its fascination with brutal gladiator games. Well, they might be right.

Then again, we might just be feeling naughty. Actually, we jest because, the aforementioned Web site, has nothing to do with sex, fetishes or spanking kids. Check it out for an interesting history lesson.

What else have you got to do with your Sunday?


The Better Business Bureau sent us a warning and, man, is it a good thing. Like they usually do, they’re warning us all about some businesses that might not be so legitimate. Whew! We were just about to buy and invest in:

n Diet patches

n “Fat blockers” and “Starch blockers”

n “Magnet” diet pills

n “Clucomannan, the weight-loss secret”

n Spirulina (an algae)

n Electrical muscle stimulators

n “Appetite-suppressing eyeglasses” and “Magic weight-loss earrings”

Let us just say right now that, if you were planning on buying eyeglasses or earrings to help yourself lose weight, you’ve got bigger problems than obesity.

And, we’d like to sell you some real estate.


Speaking of notices, the Summit County Rotary wants us to let you know that it’s Ice Melt Contest time again, and with it, time for the Ice Princess nominations.

Each year, the Rotary puts a weight out on the ice, and we all guess when it’s going to fall through. The person with the closest date and time wins all sorts of fabulous things (meaning we don’t know exactly what, but we recall it’s usually money).

Anyway, nominations for Ice Princess (male or female, they just have to live in Summit Up Land) will begin on March 7.

You do that by logging on to

Tickets for the ice melt contest are already on sale. Contact your nearest Rotarian or call Susan at (970) 496-3598.


Sunday’s always been a primadonna of sorts to us. We thumb our nose at you, Sunday.

We’re out at the public caning …

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