Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s going to have to find a new line of work if this war crap doesn’t let up.
People often ask us, “Hey, how do you come up with stuff to write about everyday?” The answer is simple, really: People are goofy, comedic, ironic and downright absurd when they’re not being tragic, horrid, evil creatures. We call it the two faces of the ego-bound monkey. We simply look through newspapers, magazines and the Internet, listen to people talking in restaurants and stores, and we find enough stuff to write about. It’s actually very easy.
Until a certain little thing – you might recall – happened 16 months or so ago involving some terrorists, then a war on terror, which turned into a war on liberty, which turned into a war on economic growth … we don’t know, we’re rambling at this point. All we do know now is A) people’s sense of humor is directly correlated to the heft of their pocketbooks, and B) all we read about anywhere anymore is war, war, war, war.
What happened to topless women stealing police cars? What happened to drunk men driving through the front windows of barber shops? What happened to criminals calling police to collect crimestopper rewards for the crimes they committed themselves? And please don’t try to tell us those things aren’t happening anymore. Oh, they’re happening. People don’t up and get civil and righteous because planes fly into skyscrapers.
And speaking of which, go ahead and tell us we’re horrible here: Good readers of this paper know that April 1 is a special day each year. It’s special because we do a Fool’s Day cover and usually fool a couple hundred people with the story and picture there. So this year, we told a focus group we assembled (a few people in the office one day, and some golfing buddies in the car on the way back from Denver the other day) our idea for a photo on April 1: planes flying into the Lakepoint Towers in Frisco. We’d photograph the towers and use a little computer magic to paste in the planes from those other towers.
Now, our point is that everyone we told this to laughed their heads off – and then quickly said, “You can’t do that.”
We wholeheartedly agree it might upset people. But can you explain to us why – not in simple emotional terms, but a reasoned argument? Send your treatise to email@example.com, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just harangue us on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.
Oh, and obviously, the cat’s out of the bag, and that’s not the joke you’ll be seeing come Mr. Eliot’s cruelest month.
This Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!! comes to us from Hoosier Pass and Yvonne. She wants to send a wing-and-halo set, as well as a Get Out of Snow Free card, to Matt Macomber. See, Yvonne and friends went up to the pass in her Jeep on the last full moon. They were going to say some prayers for friends and, yes, they got stuck in the snow. Nobody had any cell phone reception, of course. One friend hitched back to town to get some help.
Then, just as everyone was about to give up hope of any help, the group flagged down a passing driver (that would be Matt). Despite being just off work, on his way home to see the wife and the kid, he took the time to tow the car out.
“He was really sweet, and it was so late at night,” Yvonne said. “He insisted on helping us.”
Makes us feel so good to hear that. You can’t beat mountain kindness.
It’s Wednesday. Why aren’t you laughing?
We’re out making mirth …
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