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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column telling the SUVs to move over, now there’s something meatier – and by meatier, we mean bulletproof.

News gluttons that we are, very few reports slip by us. Yesterday morning, we found one headlined: “Armored cars the new status symbol?”

Yes, it appears that with the rising threat of terrorism and concern about security, American automakers are jumping into the James Bond-esque vehicle market. Oh, you’d like to laugh, but supposedly, by the end of the year, Ford and Cadillac will both have bullet-proof models on the market.



Personally, we won’t be picking up a new ride unless it comes with the oil-slick and smoke-screen options, rack-and-pinion missile launchers and those spiky saw things that pop out of the hubcaps. And they better be advertising them with catchy slogans like, “Let those terrorists eat your dust and lead,” or “Start your own War on Terror!”

For those who want to start saving with us, the Lincoln Town Car BPS (that’s Ballistic Protection Series) should be available this summer for around $140,000. Apparently, Mercedes-Benz already sells an S500 in the U.S. that can withstand .44 Magnum shots, but with the fans we generate around here, we need something a little stronger. BMW introduced a model, the 760Li High Security, at the Geneva Motor Show this month that hermetically seals itself and provides passengers with oxygen in the event of a gas attack. Now, that’s getting closer to what we’re talking about.



We tell ya, folks, won’t be long and we’ll all just be driving around in tanks.

***

The Dillon Police Department’s Bo Schlunsen gets today’s Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!! We received this e-mail explanation:

“On Wednesday night I managed to get a flat on Lake Dillon Drive and had to leave my car in order to catch the bus and get my son home for dinner and homework. As we all know the snow came in suddenly Wednesday night and soon there was a blizzard. I called dispatch to alert them of my car’s situation. A while later Officer Schlunsen called to let me know that they would be towing cars and that mine needed to be moved. Being a single mom at home with a sleeping child, Officer Schlunsen offered to move the car for me to a safe spot where I would not incur an expensive towing fee. Thank you, Officer Schlunsen, for going above and beyond the call of duty. I truly appreciate the kindness and may it come back to you tenfold.”

***

This is just too hilarious. This is the typo we in the print biz would never live down. Excuse us for reprinting the vulgarity.

Anyway, Joe Russo of Beaver Dry Cleaners in Breck called. He was surprised when he received the Breckenridge Resort Chamber’s weekly benefit update, a sort of newsletter. The update included an ad that was supposed to say Joe’s shop was offering 99-cent “laundered shirts.” Apparently, all of the BRC’s lower-case “r”s must have disappeared in the dryer with the socks, because it didn’t say “shirts.” Do a little letter subtraction and you know why Joe called.

Joe called us to say, “We don’t launder them, we dry clean them.” Very funny, Joe.

***

It’s Saturday, and we don’t know about you, but we’re about ready to start disc golfing. Tell us what you’re ready for, preferably in haiku form, at summitup@summitdaily.com, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just recite an eloquent mathematical proof that balances our clinging to winter with our yearning for summer.

We’re out looking for the missing Rs …


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