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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column taking a look at the larger picture for a moment.

We’ve been staring at the moon a lot lately. No, not just howling, but really looking closely at it. We’ve been looking through this 500mm camera lens, through which you can actually see quite a bit of detail – craters and all sorts of stuff.

That got us surfing the Internet, wondering what kind of equipment you need to take pictures of spacebound stuff from your backyard. What we found was sort of amazing: pictures of nebulae, comets and star clusters that had us wondering if someone was playing a joke on us (pictures this cool had to be computer-

generated and not real).

And then we started to really ruminate (tilting your head back and looking at the sky for prolonged periods can seriously cut off the circulation to your head and get you thinking fantastical stuff). It just didn’t make sense to us, all this hoopla of war and oil and international intrigue, when none of it, absolutely none of it, would matter if the sun metamorphosed into a red giant without warning and swallowed the earth.

We began asking ourselves, “Does any of this mean anything when we understand so little about the universe?”

Ah, but there we go, thinking too much again.


What we all need right now is a bit of merriment. So, we hereby command all of you – that means you, too – to start planning your April Fools’ Day prank. This is not an option. You will comply. Think about it this way: If you don’t start planning your prank, someone else will play one on you. It’s much better to ask forgiveness than to be the butt of a joke, we always say.

Anyway, we thought we’d provide you with some suggestions, since we know our readers are all way too nice to think up diabolical pranks. Before we get started, though, let us remind you: Don’t hurt anyone. Don’t disparage someone’s heritage. And don’t do anything that would result in a natural reaction to call the police or the fire department. That said, here’s some suggestions:

n After the rest of the roommates have gone to bed, put food coloring (we suggest green or blue) in every liquid in the fridge.

– Short-sheet your brother’s bed. If you don’t know how, well, keep reading.

– Get some quarters and some superglue. Apply quarters to the sidewalk, stand back and watch.

– Cover the toilet bowl (underneath the seat) with plastic wrap. Be prepared to clean up after this one.

– Similarly, once everyone’s gone to bed, get some lemon Jell-O or other gelatin, and put it in the toilet (you have to give it time to set).

– If your buddy has one of those pleather-covered cell phones, find some matching colored shoe polish and apply it around the receiver. Call repeatedly.

– Set all the clocks in the house four hours ahead. If you have kids, wake them up and tell them it’s time for school, get them dressed and start breakfast. Then tell them to check the time on a TV news or weather channel.

– Tie a rubber band around the handle of a kitchen sink spray gun. Wait and watch.

– If your kids are sound sleepers, wait for them to zonk out, then switch them from bed to bed. Wait for the confusion when they wake up.

– Call your friend, leave a very important-sounding message about a job, an ill family member or whatnot. Tell them to call Mr. Lyon at (303) 376-4800. (That’s the number for the Denver Zoo; imagine them asking whoever answers to speak to Mr. Lyon.)

– If your friends are coffee fiends, replace the sugar or the creamer with salt.

– Got needle and thread? Sew the front closed on all of your roommate’s boxers and briefs.

– Fill a cupboard full of ping pong balls.

– Get everyone in your office to pretend one person is a ghost. Ignore them when they talk. Talk about how nice it used to be to work with them.

– Take pictures of your bare caboose. Get prints made and replace every picture in your friend’s house or office. Slip some in their wallet for an extra laugh in a couple weeks.

– Log on to or These sites let you send disguised e-mails telling the recipient their college diploma has been voided, etc.

Have fun and tell us how it goes at, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just record the whole incident on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.

We’re out planning the granddaddy of all hoaxes …

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