Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column – outside of the realm of Emily Post – wondering what the hell has happened to children’s manners these days!?
Goodness grief, we said the other day. Oh, my!
We were waiting in line at our favorite eatery, a stop-and-go type place that serves healthy, soulful food, when the woman behind the counter asked the young boy in front of us what he would like for lunch.
“OK,” the little boy said. “Last time I was here, I didn’t like anything I had, so I need to taste some things.”
The woman, with the patience of Job, said, “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.”
He stomps his little foot and repeats, “The last time I was here, I didn’t like anything. I don’t like what I’m looking at today, either, so I need to taste some things.”
“OK,” the lady with the patience of Job said. This column was envisioning a swift kick in the patootie, if you get our drift.
“Which ones?” she asked, patiently.
“All of them,” he ordered.
This column’s jaw fell about as far open as a column’s jaw can fall. The audacity, to hold up the line like that! We’re writing Ms. Post on this one!
Nikki Ledbetter, a fifth-grader at Summit Cove Elementary, spent three evenings translating the gibberish in Tiger Tracks April Fools’ edition. The contest was to translate a block of text that read, in part, something like this:
Yes, you are reading yet another issue of Tiger Tracks, but this time you are reading a story in the font Wingding. Either you have a lot of free time on your hands or you are just some kind of freak who can read in a totally different language.
It was actually written in wingdings, a supposedly Satanic language, which we here in Summit Up Land don’t speak. We’ve substituted zapf dingbats for wingdings, to keep the demons at bay.
Nikki, pictured somewhere on this page, said she likes to translate things, and while we think that would lend itself nicely to the field of Spy Tactics 101, Nikki says she wants to be a vet or a killer whale trainer. Cool!
Anyway, Nikki figured out what every letter, number and other character on her keyboard represented, depending whether she used different fonts, or the control, shift and option keys. ABCDEFG, abcdefg, å+ç?’Yc and abcdefg.
“Yes, you are reading yet another issue of Tiger Tracks, but this time you are reading a story in the font Wingding. Either you have a lot of free time on your hands or you are just some kind of freak who can read in a totally different language … If I were you I would never let this little secret out. People might get together and plot to kill you. I am sorry for making you cry. Guess it is a gift to be able to translate the language of the devil into a normal language. I congratulate you, but honestly, get a different hobby.”
Then it goes on about prizes: a car, soap, wood, KY Jelly and Lil Smokies. It segues into opening your own little hotdog stand, living in a van down by the river, be prepared to be ridiculed, and come pick up the prize.
Congrats, Nikki! We still think you ought to pursue the world of spies, but best of luck in the world of animals! By the way, Nikki, your wingding name is Nikki Ledbetter.
We out, wingdinging.
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