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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that can’t stand being called bub, pal, chief or sport by some clueless punk ringing us up at our neighborhood liquor store. These kind of clowns pop up every so often in your life and it’s like, “Dude, you don’t have a clue.”

After a long day at work, you wobble into the aforementioned establishment to pick up your daily suitcase of Bud Light and, lo and behold, the punk standing there to ring you up begins:

“Hey, chief, you find everything all right?” the punk quips.



“Yeah, but I would like to stuff that “chief’ right up your …” you think, narrowing our eyes at him. Had you really said it, he probably would have said, “Whatever, pal, you’re the boss.”

As you pack our suitcase under one arm, a gray-haired fellow behind you steps to the counter.



“Hey, sport. You got what you need there?” You hear the punk ask.

“Huh,” mumbles the old man.

Caution! Caution! If you are an employer and your employee is one of these types, you might want to pull him aside and tell him it is a bit offensive for a young kid to call an elderly person “bub” or “chief.”

***

Moving right along to the sacred showers of Summit County, we read in County Commissioner Gary Lindstrom’s weekly column in the Thursday edition of the Summit Daily – and we will quote here – “I have even been standing totally naked in the shower at the rec center, and someone will engage me in a conversation about the use of magnesium chloride … That’s America in action.”

We like that here in the Corporate Suites and would like to make our showers open to the public. Don’t write letters to the editor anymore, just come on down and share your grievances over a good lather. We think it will be a cleansing experience for us all and make everyone feel good about themselves and the county we live in. To Gary we say, “That’s America in action, too.”

***

To anyone out there who is clever with computers, we have an idea for you to become very rich. Everyone out there in the corporate world who finally found some relief from the no-call list now has to deal with the piles of junk e-mail. Who doesn’t start their day anymore by trashing heaps of red flags every morning that read “urgent” or even “junk mail.” If some computer geek could figure out a screen to this kind of junk, we here in the editorial office believe you very well could become the next Bill Gates. Good luck. Save us a room in your mansion for having planted the seed.

And, to belabor the point, we have a very fine example of this. We have in our mailbox right now an e-mail from Sonic Tabs – the new chewable Viagra that works in 15 minutes! You got it. The old Viagra tablets took 90 minutes, so a great deal of timing and anticipation was needed.

Oh!Oh!Oh! Another million-dollar idea pops into our head. CHEWING GUM VIAGRA. See a man at a bar you think is hot, offer him a piece of gum and hang out for 15 minutes. Let’s just say we consider ourselves a genius this early Monday morning.

We will leave you with this thought to start the week: Should we be renaming another country’s airport?


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