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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only column wondering about “Road Icy in Spots,” “Icy Conditions May Exist,” “Winter Driving Conditions” and “Driving Ahead.”

OK, so maybe we’re not the only ones wondering about “Road Icy in Spots,” – we’re just tired of that one – but we are baffled by “Driving Ahead.” This is what Field Agent No. 348-c saw on one of those Interstate 70 variable message signs. You know the ones. They’re supposed to give drivers useful information, like “Rocks on Road,” “Tourists a’Gapin'” and “Target’s Grand Opening Today!”

Well, Monday morning, the one on westbound I-70 near Frisco was warning drivers that there was “Driving Ahead.” “Well, thank goodness sake,” is all we have to say about that. There are far too many times in the year when people aren’t driving, but piddling or putzing along, bogging down the arteries of commerce and ruining the motoring experience for everyone.



And remember. Never buy a car you can’t push.

***



A judge in Howell, Mich., is cracking down on people who write vulgar, profane, obscene notes on the checks they use to pay their parking tickets. He sentenced one man to two days of community service, saying the clerks who have to cash the checks shouldn’t be subject to such language.

Well, we can’t help wondering if the IRS will jump on the obscenity bandwagon, because we feel pretty certain that obscenities people put on the memo lines of their tax checks have got to be worse than anything the judge in Howell, Mich., ever sees.

Why, we remember a 1040-a.49 form we filled out years ago that was so complex, we wrote little “nuggets” of advice in the columns. Things like, “Yeah, right,” and “And this means …?” Of course, we were audited, but we got more money out of the deal in the end. So, unlike the judge in Howell, Mich., we encourage people to give advice to those who demand your hard-earned cash.

***

Lori from Breckenridge has faxed us with her guess about what the photo was in one of our recent editions: It’s two people having sex under the snow in scuba gear so they don’t suffocate. It’s an illicit affair in Frisco, she writes in big letters, exhibiting her excitement in figuring this little puzzle out.

Sorry, Lori. Not quite. Other guesses, folks?

***

We were flipping through the pages of Summit County’s most-read-and-informative newspaper – ours – and noted an ad for the annual Taste of Vail. They will be serving champagne and caviar, scallop with caviar, caviar and more caviar. Don’t forget the 1998 Schramsberg Cremant Demi-Sec, whatever the heck that is.

Here in the Summit, we have a couple of “Tastes,” all of which are considerably less snobbish than the champagne and caviar extravaganza over the hill. We remember the early days of the Summit events, when restaurants served up hot dogs and squirrel burgers. It has since advanced to lasagna and salmon. Mmmm. We’re hungry.

***

Our word for the day is “brobdingnagian.” It means enormous! Huge! Gigantic! Brobdingnagian!

We get these words of the day from dictionary.com, and try to use the word of the day sometime during the day. We have had difficulty fitting this one into conversation, mostly because we can’t pronounce it.

“Wow, his ego is brobdingnagian!”

“Wow, check out the thighs on that chick – they’re brobdingnagian!”

“Wow, brobdingnagian’s a big word!”

This is one of those words that if you spell it enough times, you’re sure to mess it up.

If you can think of ways to use this brobdingnagian word, drop us a line at (970) 668-3998, ext 237.

***

More trivia: A mile on the ocean and a mile on the land aren’t the same mile. We don’t know why – maybe it’s because one is wet. Regardless, it makes us feel like a fifth wheel on a three-legged camel. Sorry, we’ve been trying to fit that phrase into a Summit Up for three weeks now. There you have it.

***

We’re out, driving ahead S


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