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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s saddle-sore.

One day you think you’re a rough-and-tumble cowpoke, out riding the range (see yesterday’s column about how tough we felt walking around in our bad@$$ boots), the next morning you wake up wondering if aliens didn’t play a little “excavate the sandbox” with a dump truck. We have a newfound respect for Pony Express riders. Those guys must have shaved off five years of their lives (or 5 inches from the spinal column) with every ride.

We just thought we should mention this, in case today’s column seems a little stiff.


Now, you’ll forgive us, because we normally take pride in writing all this ourselves, but we have a plane to catch. We’re headed off to Detroit Red Wings country (we promise not to drink the water). But know that we do it for you, Avalanche fans; we’re headed east to sabotage their Cup hopes by sneaking into their locker room ventilation shaft and strategically placing a few of the trash items people found on cleanup days yesterday in there to rot.

So, forgive us then, as we round out the rest of today’s column with some Internet humor that’s been floating around:

As you know, the stock market has not been in the greatest shape lately. It seems that, because of current economic conditions, many companies are contemplating mergers and acquisitions. Here are a few to keep an eye on.

– ERO and WURLITZER. (They’re going to make reproductive organs)

– W.R. GRACE CO., FULLER BRUSH CO. MARY KAY COSMETICS, and HALE BUSINESS SYSTEMS. (The new company will be called Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace)

– 3M and GOODYEAR. (The new company will be called MMM Good)

– DENISON MINES, ALLIANCE and METAL MINING. (The new company will be called Mine All Mine)

– GREY POUPON and DOCKERS PANTS. (The new company will be called Poupon Pants)

– ZIPPO MANUFACTURING, AUDI, DOFASCO and DAKOTA MINING. (The new company will be called Zip Audi Do-Da)

– MOTOROLA and ENRON. (The company will be called Moron)


Wish us luck on our mission. We’re out collecting air sickness bags …

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