Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s brainwashed.
Mmmm. Fresh brains. Must eat fresh brains. Must destroy political infrastructure. Havoc. Pillage. Must crush order.
Thank you, dear readers, for jumping to our defense. Nothing warms the cockles of our heart quite like reading letters to the editor in our defense. Well, actually writing “cockles” tends to warm things up, but it’s still not quite the same. (See Friday’s paper if you don’t know what we’re talking about – a letter-writer took offense to us taking offense to the offensive nature of our military campaign and apparently would rather have us sitting on a fence or consign us to the likes of France.)
No, the only brainwashing we’ve suffered came from Fred Rogers, the Electric Company, Robert Baden Powell and a few assorted comic books. Go ahead and hate us for it; we’ll love you right back.
Moving right along to things more mundane. We were walking to Keystone’s gondola the other day – shouldering our skis and enjoying the spring sun on our face – when all of a sudden, we caught up to a family of skiers who offended our olfactory.
Yep, a family of skiers who pack their one pieces in mothballs every spring and forget to air them out before arriving in the High Country. We are thinking they probably were keeping a couple mothballs in each pocket, just for good measure. We digress a moment here – if you are a kid and your parents pack your ski clothes in mothballs, would you be more or less likely to enjoy the experience of skiing? Maybe, when one of these children of the mothballs grows up, and she is walking a city street and passes a stranger smelling of mothballs, would she instantly reminisce of swooshing down Breckenridge’s Four O’Clock run? We have digressed enough that we think there is now nowhere else to go.
Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! Sue, who lives on Galena Street in Frisco, reports her 2002 Subaru was keyed sometime last Friday evening. The no-good scoundrels made three laps of her car, dragging their key across the paint. “It’s kind of upsetting,” said Sue, who moved to Summit County fairly recently and expected better. Sue, we expect better, too. We also expect the karma gods will get their revenge. They always do.
Amy called in this botanical Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! She works at the St. Bernard in Breck and says some potting-soil-for-brains stole three plants and an 8-foot tree from the restaurant.
“We’ve been looted,” Amy said. “Thanks a lot, dirtbag.”
Consequently, the eatery is looking a little bare, and employees are scouring their homes for spare plants.
We have no idea what bad karma-accruing indigent would snake plants. Probably the same kind of person that would loot a museum.
It’s Saturday and we got one “Thank heaven for snow” on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237, and it was a sultry, Eastern European woman’s voice. Tell us what accents you dig at
firstname.lastname@example.org or fax at (970) 668-0755.
We’re out practicing our Crawford, Tex., drawl …
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