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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that, after much consternation, has decided its favorite color is clear.

Yup. We figure if you had to look at your favorite color for the rest of your life and your favorite color was clear, you could see all the other colors out there and your eyes wouldn’t get bored.

Clear it is.



***

We have a happy birthday going out to Leslie LeCoq from a bunch of people masquerading as “friends.”



“Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Turning 40

Really suits you!”

If you happen upon “Lovely Leslie,” wish her a happy 40th!

We’re not sure if turning 40 suits anyone, but if you say so! Have a great one, Leslie!

***

We were hedging our bets and bettings our hedges at a silent auction recently and many, many thoughts came to mind.

The first was, “What the heck is this?”

The second was, “Who the heck would want this?”

The third was, “Wow! What a steal!”

The fourth: “I want this, and I’m willing to spend my next 17 paychecks to have it in my possession!

So we put our name on the long list of names and hoped for the best. Then, we lurked around the rest of the room, pretending to not keep an eye on our item, but all the while keeping an eye on our item.

That’s when we ran into a skulker. You know the sort. It was a man who stood on the perimeter watching over the shoulders of those who were bidding on other items.

“You’re lurking!” we accused him.

“Shaddup!” he hissed.

“We’d recognize that anywhere! You’re lurking, making sure no one else bids on your item!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“OK, say I am. That item is MINE! Mine all mine and no one’s taking it away from me!”

“That?” we asked, pointing to an ambiguous item whose bidding price had already exceeded more numerals than we typically bring home in a paycheck or two.

“Yes. Now shaddup.”

Well, we happen to know how testy these silent auction bidders can get, so the minute the man left to get a beer, we doubled the amount of money he’d bid for the item – whatever it was.

And now, we’re stuck with it. So if anyone would like to purchase an $850 … thing, give us a call at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237 and make an offer. Please.

***

On the lines of silent auctions, we can’t help but think what kids would bid on if these events were in their hands.

There would be Mutant Ninja Warriors, or Chuck-E-Cheese bobbleheads. There might be Barbies, or perhaps a few Back-sync Girls CDs. Or maybe the kids would go for the weighty stuff, like CD players, ultra-light mountain bikes and free lunches at the Golden Arch of their choice.

This is, we decided, exactly why there are no silent auctions for children.

They’d bet the whole wad, and we can’t have that!

***

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, Inc., Ltd., and LLC reminds people that despite the fact that you are the best driver on the road, just because your car has airbags does not mean you can drive down the street with your seatbelt hanging out your car door.

They don’t care if you’re uncomfortable. You must wear your airbag in speeds of under 40 mph or when taking to the highway. This will ensure your vehicle gets its best gas mileage, even when cruising at Mach 3.

With that, we out. Skulking, putting bids on silent auction items we can’t identify and wondering if Leslie LeCoq is really 4-0.

And remember, think CLEAR.

P.S. Lima beans do not grow on bushes.


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