Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the worlds’ only daily column officially nominating Corky for president of Summit Up Land.
Corky, of Dillon, writes:
“After being in Summit County these past years, I have had a few thoughts and observations. Sharing these might help with some of our county’s problems and help preserve the mountain lifestyle that attracted us to make Summit County our home.
“First, there should be a Scum Alert! issued for the people who leave their carts in the parking lots of Summit County’s stores. This practice is totally appalling and socially unacceptable. Then Breckenridge could pass a theft-of-
services law for those who do not return the carts to the racks. Frisco can have a consultant come in and study the impact of the abandoned carts on the economy. Silverthorne should have a ballot issue at the next election to determine if the red carts in Target’s lot are politically correct – then if the new Safeway should have more naturally colored carts that blend into the native surroundings. Dillon’s town council should review the ads on the abandoned carts to see if the ads are in compliance to their sign code. Maybe Roger McCarthy could get to Keystone more often to visit with the homeowners – if he could avoid all the carts blocking traffic in Breckenridge. We could get a grant to observe the parking lots. Then determine if the Texans are pushing their carts too fast, if it is the skiers or riders causing the most collisions or if it really is the tourists who abandon the carts. Then the police could give out tickets to these offenders-to-society, helping put money into the county’s coffers.
“Perhaps the building department could amend the code requiring the carts to have snow tires so you could actually get to the racks in the snowy lots. We could even start a custom shopping cart factory in the county to do the upgrades and even make luxury stretch carts. This would help to diversify the so-called real estate-based economy we have to rely on now. The Realtors could start selling timeshare parking spaces including a service to return the carts. Then the planning commission could base future growth on the amount of shopping carts in the county. I bet we could get Pete Pelyaic to donate some time with his helicopter to take some photos of the abandoned shopping cart crisis. We might even get some national news coverage. Maybe even sell the rights to embed some reporters? Then we could use all the money to build an underground train to the Basin so you could ski when it snows.
“There we go. We solved the traffic, budget, growth and diversifying the economy all thanks to the socially incorrectness of a few people. Oops, we forgot the mag chloride. Maybe if we could only open a train service to Denver? This could relieve some of the traffic, and then we might not have such a hard time getting to the stores. Perhaps we could even have the mountain lifestyle we came here for, instead of becoming just another suburb.”
If Corky’s ideas didn’t sound so realistic, we might think she was being sarcastic.
Terry Bledsoe from Breckenridge keeps cracking us up. He read the paper earlier this week and was compelled to action. He e-mailed us:
“On April 29, I saw in your paper the most OUTRAGEOUS picture ever! Within the picture it said, “Fight the Bite! Join the SWAT TEAM against West Nile Virus.’ As a founding member of PETI (People for the Ethical Treatment of Insects), I find it incredible that you are actually advocating the squishing of 50 percent good mosquitoes. As you are aware, only 50 percent (females) bite. The remaining are harmless. The PETI directors therefore have the following agenda to ameliorate this abhorrent atrocity and attack on male mosquitoes …
“Immediately transfer action on “swatting of the innocent’ to an appropriately high government office. We recommend the office of Ms. Diana DeGette. It would be only a minor change from “knee-jerk’ liberalism to “check between the knees of squashed insects’ liberalism. Additionally, Ms. DeGette’s office would find itself too busy to carry on its normal duties – a win-win situation.
“Signed: Terry Bledsoe. Grand Poobah, PETI, Breckenridge”
And, a final word from our readers:
Sara has an unfortunate Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!!
“A couple of weeks ago, I was in an unavoidable car accident while driving to school. After going to the emergency room, my mother took me home to rest. My mother began calling different tow truck companies in Frisco to get their estimates on towing my car out of the ditch. We called one place and they told us it would be a $75 hook-up fee and $3 per mile in each direction. My neighbor stopped by to make sure I was OK and to tell me my car was being towed. The Colorado State Patrol called a Frisco towing company. I called later that afternoon to find out my bill had suddenly jumped up to $320. I feel I was ripped off and I believe that the people in Summit County should know about it.”
Now they do.
Anyone else in Summit Up Land who wants to be the next president or just offer his or her two cents, deposit your coins into the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237 or e-mail
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