Summit Up 3-10-10
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s concerned about this date: 3/10/10. As you may or may not know (BTW: Is there a dumber phrase in the English language?) the ancient Mayans (as opposed to those Modern Mayans – which would not be a bad name at all for a Latino-themed ska band) believed the world would end on this day. But if you’re reading this, then it looks like everything turned out OK and …
MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS (consulting clipboard): We have a list of supposed end-of-the-world dates and theories right in front of us here, and there’s nothing about 3/10/10. In fact, it all looks pretty clear until 2012 – pretty much that entire year is hosed (see the movie).
SU: Hmmm … We thought for sure the fact that there are two 10s right next to each other like that would be some kind of omen. Then again, 2010 will have a bunch of those double-10 dates – nine more this year, in fact. OK, never mind! Resume your normal activities, people and sound the “all clear!” It’s gonna be OK.
No, wait a sec: We just checked this website and it tells us here that that whole Rapture thing is supposed to go down on Friday, May 21, 2011, and then on Oct. 21 of that year, the world will be destroyed by fire.
Crap. We were going to get Broncos season tickets for 2011! Maybe instead of pro sports in the next couple of years, we can have some kind of Armageddon Games, where guys on gray horses battle demons riding on flaming emus and there are swimming races across lakes of fire and brimstone-chucking contests and what have ya.
Think about it.
We have here a Smarty Pants Alert! going out to Brooke Rose Turner of Frisco, who is attending the University of Northern Colorado up there in, y’know, northern Colorado. It seems Brooke was honored as a “First Year Scholar” for the fall semester, which means she scored a GPA of 3.5 or higher. Way to go, Brooke!
Speaking of tornadoes (pardon us, there was a bit about wind funnels and similar meteorological phenomena before this paragraph, but we deleted it for space), we just read that “after a slow start,” tornado season is under way. We want to start our commentary on this by noting our thanks that we don’t live in a place with tornadoes or hurricanes or tsunamis or any of that crazy stuff. Mostly we just have avalanches, which, if you’re careful, you can pretty much avoid.
Anyway, the point is, if you’re driving through the plains and you see a tornado, we believe all speed limits are rendered moot and you can drive like a bat out of hell (see Armageddon Games) and cops won’t give you tickets. But we’re not sure – we’re just assuming. But working from that theory, we think it’d be cool if you lived in Oklahoma and had, say, a nitro-burning funny car or a top-fuel dragster, you could wait for a tornado and then hit the street, secure in the knowledge that, not only could cops not catch you but, if they did, they’d just laugh and compliment you on your speed and maybe even buy you a beer after work.
We jest, of course: We know tornadoes are serious biz and a real hassle in some parts of the country. Fortunately, our mountains keep them out of our hair (either that or our altitude).
OK, sorry for such a ridiculous column today. We heard Wolf Creek Ski Area got 17 feet of snow in 11 minutes yesterday and it made us crazy! Actually, our local ski areas have some new snow to brag on, so if you can get out there today, you should do so. That’s pretty much our advice every day, though, so keep it in mind.
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