Summit Up 3-20-10: Buried in theoretical snow | SummitDaily.com

Summit Up 3-20-10: Buried in theoretical snow

Summit Up
Special to the Daily/Jeff Thumser
ALL |

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that is tired of waiting for snow. As we write on Friday afternoon, the Mega-monster Stormageddon Snowpocalypse 2010 that was supposed to be descending upon us is missing in action. We even went out on a limb, after so many disappointments this season, and stuck a headline on the front page saying we were getting a foot or two cuz that’s what the experts told us!

Well, as any member of the Texas School Board of Curriculum will tell you, we’ve just gotta stop listening to experts. In a way, though, that’s what Summit Up is all about, isn’t it? Sort of an “expert-free” zone where we’re free to just make stuff up, guess, exaggerate and otherwise dissemble.

Whatever that means.

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Speaking of the Texas School Board, which is trying to whack Thomas Jefferson, among others, out of the history books, we were thinking it’d be an interesting excercise if we could all just get rid of annoying folks or those we don’t agree with, for real, and then write punchy Hollywood scripts about it. Such as:

• My Sweet-Smelling Swastika: The Adolf Chronicles: Details the life of Adolph Hitler after he gets bored and distracted after writing only a few pages of Mein Kampf and decides to pursue life as an architect. In Vienna, he designs a perfume shop and subsequently falls in love with the shop’s owner, Lilly Weintrauben, and they live happily ever after designing new scents for Vienna’s elite.

• The Outlaw Don McLeroy: Follows events in the life of this Texas school board president after he tries to have George Washington, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama expunged from the history books. After several years working in auto body shops in the Texas panhandle, McLeroy discovers a way to make diamonds out of rattlesnake skins and becomes the richest man in the world. He then purchases a spaceship and flies to the Rigel system and is never heard from again.

• Glen Beck in SF: In this alt-history, the conservative talk show host is born into a lesbian family in the Bay Area and is raised wearing skirts, listening to Indigo Girls and decrying the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly. He’s nearly poised for a talk-show career on MSNBC when it is discovered at the last minute he has no discernible talents.

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Speaking of talent, we’ve always wanted to learn how to juggle. We tried once, and nearly got it, but then the juggler dude had to leave and he took his beanbag thingies and all that was left was two chainsaws and a bowling ball and we thought we shouldn’t jump right to the hard stuff.

Anyway, someone handed us a flyer the other day about this dude Scotty Bondo, who we think might be on one of those local radio stations, who’s doing a juggling (and other circus arts) workshop every Tuesday at Beaver Run in Breck. It says here it’s only 5 bucks to get some juggling lessons, and beanbags and props are provided. And did you know (we’re reading the flyer here), that juggling for adults can provide relaxed and meditative new skills and helps mental fitness while preventing dementia later in life.

Hard to believe! So if you see some old guy juggling two cats and a meat cleaver, don’t think he’s crazy or anything: He’s just honing his meditative skills and warding off dementia!

But seriously, this sounds like a cool gig from a guy who knows his way around a juggling pin. The Tuesday night workshops are from 6-7:30 p.m., and if you want more info you can call Scotty at (970) 389-8051.

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