Summit Up 3-31-11: Chillax … and clean up after your dog!
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that comes to you on this very last day of March with a simple request: Chillax … and clean up after your dog.
If you can just follow those two simple rules, the county – and the country and the world in general – will be a better place, we’re pretty sure. Thinking along the lines of that cheesy old book “Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” we believe these two rules incorporate what translates into a lot of goodness.
For example, if someone like Moamar Kadaffee (or is it Mumar Ghadaffi or Moe N’ Mar Could I Have Tea?) would just chillax, Libya would be a mellower place. He could just scamper over the desert with a suitcase full of gold bars and disappeare into the ether. We promise we won’t follow. And even if the Tyrant of Tripoli doesn’t have a dog to clean up after, the whole notion of just picking up after himself in other ways would still stand him in good stead.
To British Petroleum, we would extend the “clean up after your dog” remonstration, with the dog, in this case, being your li’l ol’ oil rig that blew up and killed a bunch of guys and spilled a bazillions gallons of oil in the Gulf.
To that one crazy dude who runs Iran (and whose difficult-to-spell name we can’t be bothered to Google), we’d say “chillax!” just about every time he opens his mouth.
And to our Summit County neighbor, whose dog has the most active canine colon west of the Mississippi, we’d say, quite literally, clean up after your dog. And what do you feed that thing, Bran Bombs Dog Chow or something?
Oh, by the way, the offical Associated Press style for the lunatic leader of Libya is Moammar Gadhafi. And did you know that, according to the AP, Gadhafi’s son was in Colorado just last month?
MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: No way!
SU: Way. Listen:
The Air Force Academy confirms that a son of Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi visited the school last month during a U.S. tour that included businesses and other schools.
Academy spokesman Lt. Col. John Bryan said Wednesday that Khamis Gadhafi got a standard VIP tour of the school on Feb. 7 – eight days before the Libyan uprising began.
That’s kind of embarrassing for the military, eh? At the very least, it makes for some awkard conversation at the Academy VIP orientation session:
Colonel: Oh, and by the way, apologies all around to you, young Mr. Gadhafi, if we have to bomb the tar out of your country next month. No hard feelings, right? We’re just following orders, of course.
KHAMIS GADHAFI: I completely understand, no worries. It it cool if I grab one of these swell Blue Angels hats?
COLONEL: Go ahead! Take a pen, too.
Weird, huh? We wonder if Khamis sees his dad as the nut he is – rather like Scott Evil in Austin Powers viewed his father Dr. Evil as a demented moron.
We may never know. But we would recommend to Khamis that he change his last name at some point. “Gadhafi” is just bound to take on a bit of a smell after all this is said and done.
So, you may have heard (if you read our fabulous paper Wednesday) that I-70 is going to be shut down for two whole days next week so crews can remove some gi-normous rocks perched high atop Georgetown. We would like to now officially dub these rocks the Doomsday Boulders of Georgetown! And we certainly feel for the people who are in homes sorta right below them.
Now, some may see this as a major hassle and a bad thing – especially if you are one of the many people who commutes between Denver and Summit County (although we think if you can scoot through before 9 a.m. and come back after 5 you’ll be OK). But other locals are no doubt licking their chops (whatever that means – who has “chops?”) in the event we get another big dump of snow. Just think, the mountains all to ourselves except for the spring breakers already here! Hey, you’ve got to find the silver linings in things, right? We out.
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