Summit Up 3-5-11: Dealing with our wacky roadways
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that thinks the Dam Road and I-70 should both be labeled “schizophrenic roadways” and be treated accordingly. Sheesh – Thursday and Friday we’d get a new e-mail every 90 seconds telling us I-70 eastbound was closed, then westbound, then the Dam Road, then one was back open, then the other, then closed again! What do you do with roadways like this? Makes our heads spin …
(Attention any psychologists who want to chide us for misusing the term “schizophrenic”: We know it’s not just about having multiple personalities. But since we’re applying it to a non-human entity, we figured we could use a little poetic license. Lay off, would ya! You’re cramping our style and invading our free will which leads directly to our mental and cognitive well-being. You should know better! )
(sound of uncontrollable weeping)
(Now see what you’ve done?! There, there, it’s OK …)
Where were we? Oh, right, the damn (and Dam) roads. It’s enough to make us buy one of those jetpacks from the back of Mad Magazine (do they still publish Mad Magazine?). We could just bundle up, fire up our jetpack and go flying over the whole mess – and just let that state trooper try to tell us the road’s closed as we zoom overhead like James Bond! We’d laugh at him down there in his puny car with his silly hat and his ticket book … until we crash into the mountainside and need a rescue. Yep, we hear the jetpack isn’t quite the exact science yet – but maybe in a few years, who knows?
So, in the meantime, we suggest you stay off the roads whenever you can, walk whenever you can, ride your bike, take public transportation (OK, that doesn’t actually help if the road’s closed – it just means you get to be frustrated and annoyed with a bunch of other people) and, if you do get stuck on a closed road, just close your eyes, find your mantra and remember: this too shall pass.
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