Summit Up 3-6-11: Where we’re gearing up and growing out for Mustache March
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s checking out photos of these crazy new motorcycle helmets that would look exactly like your head if you were a blond dude with sideburns and a huge cranium. The sender of said bizarre helmet pictures suggested they be adapted for skiing. Which got us thinking – why stop there? Burton or one of those other awesome manufacturers of warm stuff with attitude should do a whole line of ski gear printed with images to make it look like you’re not wearing ski gear.
Such a line would have to include cherry red peep-toe pump looking ski or snowboard boots and maybe a ski jacket printed to make it look like we’ve got an awesome tattoo of a dragon across our back and snowboard pants printed with … well, never mind.
Send your ideas to email@example.com.
Well, folks the clock is tickin to get started on your mustaches in celebration of Mustache March. As big fans of No-Shave November, we’re thrilled to see the facial-hair festivities continued in the spring again this year. Plus, we enjoy watching the males of Summit County morph from beard-bearing yeti men into villains out of Vaudeville. Or heros out of Vaudevile. Even the occasional scary Vaudeville aunt.
So what’s the deal with Mustache March? What is this odd face-based sensation sweeping the nation? Glad you asked!
Sound of Googling.
According to the Mustache Manifesto – yeah, that exists – Mustache March is a “Temporary Cultural Movement for the Benefit of Charity.”
The manifesto reads in part:
“Mustaches have always been politically-charged. They’ve been banned by kings, forbidden by employers and used as a form of protest. The popularity of mustaches has ebbed and waned throughout the ages, and in America today we find ourselves at a low point of mustache-acceptance. What better way to start a cultural movement than to embrace an unpopular social practice in an attempt to raise money for charity? The Follicle Freedom Foundation was born of this idea.
“Our goal is threefold. Revive a once-glorious grooming practice, humiliate ourselves in the process, and raise some cash for a worthy cause.”
Millions of Summit Up Readers: And what, pray-tell, is this worthy cause?
We can’t tell. The Follicle Freedom Foundation folks reference a highly-mysterious MACC Fund, which might very well be a clever anagram the founders of the foundations’ pockets, so we propose you grow your glorious mustache and then just donate a few bucks to your favorite charity. You might look a little creepy, but you’ll feel great!
And speaking of people who might look very dashing with a well-trimmed mustache, a big congrats to his Majesty Mark Burke, Breckenridge business owner, town council member and now, Mardi Gras king. King Mark the First was coronated at Saturday’s Bacchus Ball. We understand he is the first town council member to ascend the throne. So long live Mark Burke! We salute you with a cape made of purple beads and a big bowl of jambalaya.
Well folks it’s Sunday, and, as all those important people who make important calendar decisions keep ignoring our increasingly desperate letters pleading to make Monday a non-work day, we guess that means the weekend is winding down. We’re going to go pull on our mustache-print facemasks and get out on the slopes. We suggest you do the same.
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