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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that can’t wait to see the five-tennis ball toilet.

A field agent tells us that the rage at the county builders’ association meeting the other night was a new low-flow toilet. We’ll all appreciate that it uses only 1.5 gallons of our precious liquid resource with each flush. On top of that, the field agent tells us, it has two buttons instead of a lever – one for No. 1, and one for No. 2. Apparently, this tells the toilet how hard to swirl or something.

But best of all, this toilet defies power expectations. See, your low-flow toilets have gotten a bad rap for not being able to flush everything down. Not this one, as was demonstrated by flushing five tennis balls down the tube.

We’ve sent our eyes in the field out to get a photo of this, so we’ll share it with you when it comes in. We just couldn’t wait to tell you, knowing how excited you’d be.


This is a mixed-and-matched Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!! and Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!!

Natalie called to relate a horrendous tale: She had just left her house in Placer Valley the other day, when a red, mid-80s Chevy Blazer came around the curve at Mach speed and ran her (and her passenger) off the road. Natalie said her car (which she’d just made the first payment on) floated on the washboard shoulder, swung around and hit an oncoming Ford F-350 truck, careened from there into a telephone poll and junction box, slid into the drainage ditch and rolled.

The Blazer driver stopped and looked, Natalie said, and then just drove off. This driver has violated several of the Summit Up Land Laws of Karma, including the ones about owning up to your mistakes, stopping to help people in trouble and trying to improve the overall driving character of the mountain experience by serving as a positive model. The penalties for these, of course, are severe and include things such as unexplained incontinence.

Now, this would be a sad tale, if it weren’t for John Maxwell. Maxwell was driving the F-350 that Natalie crashed into. He stopped and helped the ladies out of the rolled-over vehicle and waited with them until uniformed help arrived.

Natalie also wants to angelize the folks at Hertz. She said she was told by her insurance company that “somebody” made a mistake on her policy and rental car fees weren’t covered. They’re investigating, supposedly. Well, the first rental company that Natalie went to was no help at all, but when Chris at Hertz heard the tale, he not only gave Natalie the rental price she would have gotten with the insurance copayment, he also gave her an SUV for a compact car rate.

Chris, may your reservations always be on the books when you show up to fulfill them, and we’ll also be giving you the mucho grande halo-and-wings set at the pequeno rate.


Thursday’s password is “government sushi.” We’re out watching the dog’s face when the tennis ball disappears into the plumbing …

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